Contemplating sexual perversion is very much like traveling through foreign and exotic lands. It gives you a sharp sense of the relativity of your own desires, your own “normality,” and teaches you to understand the behavior of others within its proper context. Morally, that can have the effect of diluting your reaction to certain acts. (”That farmer fucked a sheep? Oh, well, that’s what happens when a man surrounds himself with animals…”) Metaphysically, it can also have the effect of making you suspend your own judgements about what is or isn’t possible in the realm of sexual behavior. For example, if you see a bit of roadkill on the side of the road, you might think it’s “impossible” that anyone would find it sexually stimulating — and yet there was this guy. When you have your notions of possibility turned around a few times like that, it’s hard not to acquire a scepticism toward your own beliefs. If a man can fuck a dead dog, who knows what the outer limits of depravity might not be?

You have to keep that in mind as you consider the story of the Russian tourists who were apparently determined to subvert the law prohibiting sex with porcupines. When a “normal” person hears this, they probably think, “Why, that’s ridiculous! Nobody fucks a porcupine!” But when a jaded pervert hears this, he is not so quick to dismiss it. “Sex with a porcupine? Well, why not? Some people like animals, and some people like to be stabbed — why not combine the two?”

Here’s the story:

Two Russian tourists who challenged a Florida law prohibiting sexual relationship with a porcupine have had to undergo a lengthy treatment for genital inflammation. Anton, 32, and Yevgeny, 30, residents of St. Petersburg, were spending their vacation in the United States with a group of friends, Life.ru website reports. At some point in their journey, the two got hold of a booklet listing the weirdest US laws. Since they were in Florida, their attention was drawn to a Florida law prohibiting sex with porcupines. After a good deal of whiskey, the Russians felt curious about what might have prompted the law, and went in search of the animal. Within one hour, a porcupine was found, and Anton and Yevgeny were drunk and brave enough to take off their pants and approach it. The next morning, both were standing at the Cedars Sinai clinic in Los Angeles, where amazed doctors plucked porcupine needles from their penises. Had the two not fled from Florida quickly enough, they would have had to face the law they had breached. Back in Russia, both men had to undergo a lengthy treatment of inflammation caused by the porcupine needles.

Possible? Sure, why not? Did it really happen? Somehow the tall tale posits that the porcupine porkers made it with their inflamed genitalia from Florida to California before bothering to see medical help. That’s hardly likely. The hospital admission form published with the story contains horrible misspellings such as “blood plessure” and “docror’s name”. The source site, life.ru, appears to be the Russian equivalent of the Weekly World News.

And is it really illegal in Florida to have sex with a porcupine? Though this “law” regularly tops lists of “weirdest sex laws in the United States,” PervScan could not find a credible source for it. Fox News does have a story stating that “Florida once made it illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine,” but Fox doesn’t exactly rate highly on the credibility index either. What’s more, only this year there was a proposal to ban animal sex in general in Florida. Why would Florida have once banned porcupine sex without extending the ban to dogs, chickens, snakes, etc? Was there a porcupine-sex pandemic or something?

The whole thing has an air of fancy about it. But here’s the question. if this tale about breaking the law against porcupine sex is a satire, just what is it a satire of?

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