“Craigslist, the Web’s largest classified advertising site, said on Wednesday that it would close its erotic services category, which critics have said is a forum that fosters prostitution and other illegal activities. To replace it, the company has created a category called adult services, in which postings will be reviewed by employees who will look for indications of activity that is illegal or violates the site’s guidelines. The erotic services category would be deleted next Wednesday, Craigslist said. Craigslist has been under increasing pressure from officials in several states, as violent crimes involving people who had made contact through the site made national headlines. But the changes did not appear to go far enough to satisfy everyone in the growing ranks of Craigslist’s detractors… Craigslist has long cultivated a permissive environment where a range of products and services, some sexual in nature, are offered and solicited. It has largely relied on its community of users to flag objectionable or illegal content. Attorney General Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut, who has been a leading critic of Web sites that can be used to initiate offline sexual encounters with minors, said state investigators would continue to monitor Craigslist to make sure illicit postings did not simply migrate to other portions of the site that are not reviewed by employees.” — New York Times (US)

Everybody join hands and praise the lord! The cesspool of human evil that spawned the Craigslist Killer will finally purge itself of the scourge that is prostitution! Isn’t this a wondrous day? Do you hear the angels blaring trumpets in the sky? Here are some reasons to rejoice!

First, this will surely make it impossible for women of loose morals to advertise their fleshly wares on the fiendish internet! If the mighty Craigslist bows to the will of the righteous, then no other site will swoop in to fill the void, right? It’s not like there are other online classifieds where “escorts” advertise for business. All those horrible whores would never think about trolling forums or chat rooms! Perish the thought! And when some entrepreneurial programmer creates the iPhone app that uses geolocation to show you the nearest brothels, the Forces of Purity™ will stamp that out too!

Second, if these hussies can’t post their poon online, surely they won’t have the nerve to go back to where they started — the street! Prostitution can’t possibly endure on the street, can it? Why, those ladies of the night would be visible — to police! They would be arrested immediately, like the pot-smokers and the jay-walkers! (Sniff… Sniff… Hey, what’s that funny smell?)

Third, if these tarts can’t post online and they can’t strut offline, then — dare it be said? — perhaps we will enter into a golden age when prostitution will be stamped out! No more will women or (eew!) men be able to hawk their holes for filthy lucre! Without the terrible temptations offered by harlots and strumpets, men will lay their heads contentedly on the bosoms of their wives, engaging in sex only when married and desirous of having a family, a real American family!

Cue the rainbows, cupid! Uncle Sam and Aunt Prudence are going to enter into the missionary position and make a beautiful baby! And you know what they’re going to call their little lovechild? Craig — because future generations will associate that name forever after with virtue, purity, and inanity.

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