There are a number of sex practices that people talk or joke about but rarely do. Take incest. The word motherfucker gets bandied about, but relatively few people actually fuck their mothers. Another example is — hold your hats — a sex act involving a stoma, the abdominal wall opening where a person with a colostomy has to wear a bag to collect the fecal matter that won’t leave his body by the usual channels. This sort of sex act may not be the subject of everyday banter — or it wasn’t until you read this — but, amazingly enough, there are a number of slang terms for it on Urban Dictionary.

Do people ever really do it? Are there deviant freaks who stick their penises into colostomy holes? Well, as Jean-Paul Sartre wrote in Being and Nothingness, every “hole is originally presented as a nothingness ‘to be filled’ with my own flesh…” Even colostomy holes.

If you google around using terms such as colostomy and sex, you mostly read about the struggles of people who, having undergone surgery, are trying to overcome a new self-consciousness about their bodies. Having a bag of excrement attached to your side is not a typical way to make yourself feel sexy. And yet there are indeed folks for whom a new hole is nothing more or less than an opportunity to perform a new type of sodomy. For example, there is the testimony of the man who, having suffered a “lightbulb injury” requiring a colostomy, discovers that “many of my suitors want to pork this hole.” (Incidentally, of all the things you can put in your asshole, a lightbulb is a really, really bad idea.)

For even more compelling testimony, listen to the front-line healthcare providers who see what happens when colostomy sex goes wrong. There is the nurse who contributed this nugget to a “most disgusting thing you ever witnessed” thread:

I used to work on the GI/GU floor. I had this patient that had a colostomy in one quad of his abdomen and a large scar where he used to have another colostomy in another area of his abdomen. Come to find out later that he had the first appliance because his anal sphincter was ruined from having sex and the first colostomy was ruined the same way.

How much fucking does it take to ruin a colostomy hole? Is there a proper way to lubricate the thing? How deep can you go? Is it inherently dangerous, or can one have safe sex with an open hole in somebody’s abdominal wall? Evidently you can transmit infections fucking a stoma. Consider this report from an emergency department:

A man in his 50’s with HIV came in b/c of pain around his colostomy bag. For those of you that don’t know, some patients have to have a surgery where their intestines are brought to the outside of the stomach wall and left open to poop on the outside of the abdomen into a bag b/c of a problem more distal in their intestines.

Figured it would be easy….go take a look at the bag and the surrounding bag and see if there are any erosions or bleeding around it. I was surprised by what I found. There were red, raised, ulcerated, and friable lesions on the skin around the whole and coming from the intestines going into the body. These looked just like….HERPES! I thought no way this is possible. So took a quick swab and sent it for a test. Sure enough…it came back as herpes. When I told the gentleman about it, he wasn’t very surprised. His explanation was pretty straight forward: Men give him money, and in return he takes off the bag and lets them have sex with his colostomy hole and intestines!!

If there are people who fantasize about fucking colostomy holes, you can be sure that there are also coprophiles who titter at the prospect of a full bag. Last year, against all expectation, the 2 Girls, 1 Cup video became the subject of a YouTube fad. Could a new video, a sort of 2 Girls, 1 Colostomy Bag, go viral next?

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