“A woman who allegedly intended to artificially inseminate her wife with her brother’s semen has been charged with domestic assault and battery…. Jennifer A. Lighten, 33, told police that Stephanie Lighten, her wife, was ‘all liquored up’ when she returned to their Lincoln Street apartment, where the defendant then allegedly tried to use a syringe to inseminate her, according to a police report. Jennifer told investigating officers that Stephanie ‘has been talking about trying to impregnate (her) for some time,’ police said. According to a report by Pittsfield Police Officer Kipp D. Steinman: ‘Jennifer said that Stephanie had a ‘turkey baster and her brother’s semen in a sealed container.’ Jennifer said she told Stephanie that she didn’t want to get pregnant.’ The device was actually a large syringe with a catheter tip, police said, and it was still in its original package when officers confiscated the item. That’s allegedly when Stephanie threw Jennifer on the couch, grabbed at her clothes and threatened to impregnate her, police said. Jennifer broke free, ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Stephanie ‘then broke the bathroom door down,’ police said, hurting her wrist in the process. When Stephanie went to retrieve an ice pack from the freezer, Jennifer bolted from the apartment and attempted to get away in the couple’s sport utility vehicle, police said. As Jennifer pulled away from the scene, Stephanie ‘jumped on the side of their vehicle, swung the door open and made (Jennifer) stop,’ Steinman said. According to Officer John Bassi, a witness at the scene claimed Stephanie ‘was hanging on the SUV door handle, trying to get into the car.’ Amber Hunt told Bassi that Stephanie nearly caused an accident when the vehicle narrowly missed hitting a tree in the front yard of Hunt’s Spring Street home. Police arrested Stephanie Lighten near the intersection of Spring and Curtis streets in Morningside. Police also confiscated the container of semen and some aluminum foil, which was originally used to hold the semen. Nicholas Lighten, Stephanie Lighten’s brother, was the donor, according to police.” — Berkshire Eagle (US)

(Thanks for the link to Margaret, who wrote: “This is crime, not perversion, but… what a scene.”)

What a scene indeed. Let’s all hope that a surveillance video or, failing that, witty reenactment turns up on YouTube. A woman threatening to ram her brother’s semen into her wife’s vagina with what amounts to a turkey baster isn’t the sort of thing you see every day. You have to struggle not to laugh at the images the story calls to mind. It’s like a lesboid Keystone Cops episode.

On reflection, it is fascinating that the whole sordid saga does not appear at first glance to be perverse. Probably there are a handful of reasons for this. First, the protagonists are lesbian, and nowadays it is only to the ultra-conservative that homosexuality is a perversion. Second, the “criminal” was motivated by a desire to have a baby, and this desire is practically the gold standard of normality. (Which is also to say that the desire to have a child is rarely associated with perversity.) Third, the fact that liquor was involved makes the assault seem less pervy than reckless or rash. Fourth, the origin of the brother’s semen is unreported. Did the younger Ms. Lighten ask her brother to jerk off in a Tupperware container? Ironically, the fact that she is a lesbian appears to remove the incestuous connotations that might otherwise have clung to a woman running around with a container full of her brother’s ejaculate.

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