Suspicious Wife Who Demands To Smell Husband’s Genitals Beaten
“Police are seeking an arrest warrant for a man accused of hitting his wife after she asked to smell his penis to determine whether he was cheating with another woman, according to a police report released Wednesday. The 37-year-old victim told investigators her husband of three years punched her face and kicked her arms and legs Monday night after she accused him of having an affair. The victim said she told her 25-year-old husband as he used the restroom ‘to display his penis to her so that she can smell it,’ the report states. She said she asked him to show his genital area so she could determine whether he was cheating with another woman. As she went to sniff her husband’s penis, he reportedly punched her mouth and started to kick her when she was on the floor. The husband then fled the scene. Police saw bruises and red marks on the victim’s mouth, legs and arms. She became uncooperative when told a warrant would be filed for her husband’s arrest.” — TC Palm (US)
Most people probably read this and think, “Aha! Well, of course he was cheating. Why else would he react so violently to the thought of his wife smelling his penis?” True enough. But then again, if beating up your wife amounts to a confession, why bother? Why not just come out with the truth? It’s easier and doesn’t land your ass in jail for assault and battery. There must be a less obvious reason he didn’t want his penis sniffed up. Maybe it smelled like another man’s rectum. Or the tongue of a dog. Or maybe it smelled like a cadaver.
If you’re a savvy cheater, you avoid all these problems by washing your penis before returning home to your spouse. How hard is it to find a restroom somewhere? Or to buy some baby wipes? Or a bottle of Purell?
On another note, it’s odd to think about people’s “private” parts entering into the public sphere. Andy Warhol famously said that everybody would have their fifteen minutes of fame. Sometimes, though, the fame comes not to a person but a body part — an eye, a leg, a tit, a dick. Seriously, there’s a whole parade of detached penises that just drift through the news on a daily basis. Like this guy: “She said she saw the man’s penis outside of his pants as he was urinating…. Officers saw a large puddle on top of the stairwell where the woman said she observed the man urinating.” Or this guy: “He ranked the pain during urination and erection an eight out of ten. The suppurating wound had a ‘foul odor,’ a necrotic smell, the death of living tissue. The lesion was ‘now draining pus’ and was ‘more macerated at the glans,’ or penis head.” Or the guy who threw pictures of his penis at a schoolgirl, or the guy whose penis was nearly severed by “the propeller blade of a concrete mixer,” or the guy who killed his wife because she suggested he should get an enlargement.
Every day the news offers a wave of stories about penises, vaginas, breasts, asses, mouths. It’s like a subset of celebrity culture, the nether parts corresponding to the procession of pretty faces that dominate the covers of glossy magazines. Who are the people behind these organs? How do they feel about fifteen minutes of infamy attaching to their crotch? Do they gather news clippings into an album? “Sure, I was in the newspaper one day because I scored the game-winning touchdown in a high-school football game… Oh, and here, look at this. I was in the paper this time when my wife wanted to smell my penis, so I flipped out and kicked the shit out of her…”
She was probably inspired by the song “Smell You Dick”
(For reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruef7aYCEbc )
Cock blocked, rocked, mocked, dropped, but still not stopped.
… Am I the only one who is disturbed by the wife wanting to smell his privates? Like, “I am a paranoid woman and I am fairly sure you have cheated on me, but just to be sure I want you to expose yourself while I destroy the final threat of trust between us.”
Put under that ordeal, the husband beating her up actually doesn’t sound that weird. I can’t imagine he would agree to being sniffed so it would be more like she tearing off his pants and him punching to keep her away. A man with a short fuse would then continue with the act of revenge.
I just can’t get over how idiotic that woman is. How about “here’s a drink, please don’t taste the sleeping drug I put in it so you’ll be out cold while I satisfy my huch of your infidelity” or, preverably, “hey hotty, take of those trowsers so I can orally deliver an orgasm (but in the forplay I might sniff a little, pay no attention to that please… it floats my boat).” As a Europian I don’t know, but are there a lot of rednecks in TC Palms or is she the only one?
That woman has some serious issues. Most people would not resort to sniffing dicks. Most poeple, at most, would check their husbands’ or wives’ messages on the phone or phone numbers on their cell phones at the most extreme. Still, that’s praanoid. That woman was ultra-paranoid!
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Ooh La La
