The other day PervScan reader Alban sent a link to the news item about a man who stole $1,067 worth of underwear from a Victoria’s Secret in Dallas. The story itself wasn’t particularly noteworthy, but Alban appended the simple comment: “Panty news!” The exclamation point suggested a sudden rush of possibilities — that there were readers anxious for news about panties and that PervScan wasn’t fulfilling its obligation to them. It was hard not to imagine readers visiting the site with the expectations that little children have before unwrapping their xmas gifts, only to be crestfallen when they see that, yet again, PervScan has failed to provide an adequate dose of panty news. “Oh no,” these disillusioned readers must think. “It’s just bestiality again…”

To redress the wrong, here is an entire anthology of — panty news!

So far as the Dallas story is concerned, there isn’t much to it. A man with a female accomplice stole 130 pairs of panties. Are they all for the woman? For the man? Are the pair going to resell the underthings? It’s impossible to say. One columnist, however, wrote a very humorous reaction to the incident, declaring that this is simply the kind of thing that happens when a man is overwhelmed by all the frilly pink goodness to be found at Victoria’s Secret. “Ladies, of course, see this guy as a loon. Men, however, understand his emotions. Victoria’s Secret makes us freak out… Men like panties like moths like flames, like deserts like rain, like Raiders like really bad football. But if we’re hanging out at tables of panties and look like we’re enjoying ourselves, we’re branded as freaks. And before you know it, we’re being wrestled down by mall security or hustling to the getaway car…”

Of course, this panty thief is not alone. In recent news, there was the “Naked Japan major nabbed with women’s underwear” who was “caught naked while shopping for women’s underwear.” Pity him when he gets back to his air force buddies. Then again, perhaps soldiers have a particular thing for panties. Recently there was also the “BDF soldier caught with stolen panties.” This guy stole the panties from his buddy’s wife. Another “panty pilferer” apparently stole them not for sexual gratification but to resell. You wonder who buys underwear from a random guy on a street corner. How do you know he’s not powdering the crotch with anthrax spores?

Those interested not in stealing but in buying panties might want to check out a new site called HerPantyClub. If you join the site, they send you a new pair of panties every month. Each one comes with a unique story “written from the point of view of the panty with the panty taking on the persona of your intimate friend.” The stories tend toward purple prose. “I remember the first time she put me on. It was as if we were meant to be together forever. I could feel her long velvety legs as she pulled me gently over her calf. I could see her freshly buffed bare toenails and smell the warm bath that she had just come from…” You get the idea.

Finally, if you want neither to steal nor to buy panties, you might want to donate them to a good cause. Panties for Peace is an organization that encourages people to send their panties to Burmese foreign missions in a symbolic protest against the “Myanmar junta’s violent crackdown of monks-led rallies.” Why panties? Evidently because “the generals ruling Myanmar are superstitious and they believe that touching panties or the traditional women’s outfit sarong will eliminate their powers.” There have even been on-campus panty drives. “‘You take these to Rangoon… and you get shot,’ explains Mika Lévesque, holding a pair of panties with a flower-shaped sticker of the Burmese junta pasted on the bum.”

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