It can often be a source of angst to decide what to feature on PervScan. Sometimes there is an embarrassment of riches — so many freakish stories of depravity that you can’t select one without immediately regretting all the others that you omit. Other times there are no stories at all. Or rather, there are plenty of stories, but their perversity blurs into an indistinct stream of saw-it-all-before-ness — a guy caught with child pornography, another exposing himself in a park, a celebrity apprehended with pants down or confessing to some minor fetish… Ho hum. Yawn. It becomes increasingly clear that perversion is yoked not just to the non-normal but to the new.

For today PervScan was debating between two stories. The first concerned the woman whose 34ZZZ breasts were removed by doctors because they were causing her too much pain. The story is not so novel but the article happened to feature two pictures, one of the lady’s chest prior to surgery and another during surgery. You don’t see that in the newspaper every day.

A second possibility, submitted by the indefatigable “Chris Finch“, concerns a new book titled The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls. Evidently the tome offers a variety of ways to cook up yummy meat dishes using the nuts of stallions, ostriches, bulls, pigs and turkeys. Testicles, of course, are thought by some cultures to have aphrodisiac properties when eaten. But really there is nothing perverse about cooking testicles, unless you happen to be this guy.

So in the stead of an extended analysis of either of these stories, how about this — the other day there was a person walking through Union Square here in New York wearing a t-shirt that said: “I run like I fuck.” I run like I fuck? What does that mean? I fuck with a limp? I get out of breath? I sprint to the finish? Some googling suggests the phrase might come from a fanfic called Gaedhal’s Queer Theories series. Evidently the whole line is “I run like I fuck. With my whole body.” After the spectacle of amputated breasts and fricasseed testicles, such wholism might even constitute a happy ending.

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