Man Claims He Was Molested by Bigfoot
“A 57-year-old man will serve 20 years in prison for molestation charges after pleading guilty in a Virginia court for his attempts to solicit 13-year-old boys over the Internet. But Gene R. Morrill is making molestation charges of his own. He reportedly is telling an investigator that he had been sexually assaulted by the legendary Bigfoot creature in New Hampshire. The claim inspired some snickers from locals in Stafford County. ‘I think he’s an idiot,’ one man said. One newspaper reported that the man’s mental health became an issue that his defense used to seek leniency from the judge, who ultimately declared the man competent to stand trial.” — AOL (US)
(Thanks to Angela for the link.)
PervScan tip for parents: While it is true that many rapes go unreported, you are officially a bad parent if you fail to notice certain telltale signs of molestation when your child comes home after playing in the woods or fields. For example, if there are claw marks on his back, coarse brown hairs in his undershorts, or — worst of all — his rectum has been stretched to the circumference of what you’d imagine to be the penis of a seven-to-ten foot tall wild creature, then your child may have been raped by Bigfoot. You should definitely report the matter to the appropriate authorities — no, not the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization — because that way, if your child grows up to be a pederast, people won’t laugh at him when he claims to have been raped by a probably mythical creature.
Then again, have a look at Mr. Morrill’s picture. You can also see him on the news report posted on YouTube. If ever a man was raped by a ten-foot tall ape, he’d have an expression such as Mr. Morrill has. He looks stupefied, literally dumbfounded, and how else would you feel if you’d been felt up by a sasquatch? Supposedly the unnatural congress occurred when Mr. Morrill was a wee lad, but that wouldn’t make any difference. If you were ever faced with the prospect of pleasuring a King Kong dong, you’d wear that look the rest of your life too.
That guy looks fucked up! When I saw his picture, and coupled it with what I read about him, including what others said about him (”I think he’s an idiot), I laughed to myself.
..and to think he was able to surpress those memories for years. ;)
This article caused be to giggle when I first ran across it. But your commentary made me ROFL. I don’t think I will ever get over my amazement at the stupidity of human beings (and their glorious wonder — how do we fit all of that into one package? heck if I know)
xo, Angela
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