“Baker County deputies investigating a report of a suspicious person at North Prong Cemetery Church found a woman inside and a man hiding under the church. They told investigators they broke in so they could have sex on the altar. Arriving deputies said they found the door of the church on county Road 210 busted out and undergarments scattered on the floor, WJXT reported. Crystal Ann Rowland, 24, was hiding behind the pulpit and Matthew Thomas Pearce, 28, was hiding in the crawl space under the church, deputies said. Pearce told deputies that he had Rowland were drinking when she told him she wanted a ’spiritual and sexual experience.’ Deputies said Rowland broke into the little-used church located next to the North Prong Cemetery near Sanderson. ‘This is pretty disturbing — that somebody would something such as this at a place of worship,’ said Gerald Gonzalez of the Baker County Sheriff’s Office.” — Local 6 (US)

Here is a picture of the young couple. And here is a picture of the sad-sack church they broke into. It looks like a miner’s hut or a deer-hunting camp. Evidently it isn’t much more glorious inside. To be charitable, maybe the local community puts an emphasis on spiritual rather than material riches.

Breaking and entering — for whatever purpose — is illegal. If some horny couple wanted a “domestic and sexual experience,” you wouldn’t want them breaking into your house, right? And yet a church is different than a private residence. There is something about a place of worship that is irresistible to perverts. Churches put up barriers to sex. Perverts like to break down the barriers around sex. Churches are sacred. Perverts defile. It’s a match made in hell.

Everybody loses. The church feels violated. The young couple was doing something that, if they’d gotten away with it, would have made a great story. They’d have never forgotten it. They’d have told their friends. It would have been a peak experience, which is precisely what Ms. Rowland was after. And instead they end up in jail, their pictures smeared all over the internet. Ah well. So far as you can tell from a mug shot, they’re a relatively attractive couple. No doubt the entire incident will catapult them into a career in pornography.

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