“It’s one thing to dangle fuzzy dice from a rear-view mirror, but decorating a trailer hitch with a large pair of rubber testicles might be a bit much in Virginia. State legislator Lionel Spruill introduced a bill last week to ban displaying replicas of human genitalia on vehicles, calling it a safety issue because it could distract other drivers. Under his measure, displaying the ornamentation on a motor vehicle would be punishable by a maximum fine of $250. He said the idea came from a constituent whose young daughter spotted an example of the trail hitch adornment and asked her father to explain it. ”I didn’t know what to tell her,” Spruill said the constituent told him before Spruill vowed to stop such displays. ‘I said, ‘Sir, I’m going to be a laughingstock, but I’m going to do it,” he said. The Virginia General Assembly has some experience with offbeat bills. Three years ago, it drew widespread attention with an unsuccessful effort to outlaw baggy pants worn so low they expose underwear. Spruill, 61, said the indignity of the ‘droopy drawers’ debate wouldn’t deter him. He said he won’t hesitate to bring a set of $24.95 trailer testicles with him for a legislative show-and-tell. ‘I’m going to do it,’ Spruill told reporters. ‘I’m going to bring them out here and show them to you till they tell me to stop.’” — The Star (US)

Here in New York you see a lot of weird things on the street. Recently there was a woman standing by Union Square with a cardboard sign saying, “Tired of Prostitution. Need Help $$$.” It was hard to look at the, well, rather haggard person without thinking, “Lady, prostitution may well be tired of you too.” So far as vehicles are concerned, you often see garbage trucks with stuffed animals that have been plucked from the trash and crucified to their bumpers. But trailer testicles? These must be unique to the south. Then again, if you put trailer testicles on a vehicle in New York, by morning they’d be stolen and by afternoon some guy would be selling them off a blanket on the sidewalk.

Here is an image of some trailer testicles. Here is another. And still another from a site called, of all things, bumpernuts.com. You could make lots of obvious comments about them — how they’re funny or how they express machismo in some silly way. In either case, it is difficult to imagine a lawmaker spending his time crusading against the things. There are far greater evils in the world than guys hanging balls from their trailer hitches. For example, what about the opposite — those freaks who pull vehicles with their balls? Now that’s really something you don’t want to have to explain to your little girl. Somebody better send the legislator a letter.

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