“A robber who held up a bookmaker’s shop in Leicester with his girlfriend’s vibrator has been jailed. Nicki Jex, 27, of Braunstone, Leicester, hid the sex toy in a carrier bag pretending it was a gun, Leicester Crown Court heard. The manager at Ladbrokes in Narborough Road handed over more than £600 in cash when he pointed it at her on 27 December 2006, the court heard. On Monday, Jex, who pleaded guilty to robbery, was jailed for five years. Sentencing him, Judge Philip Head said: ‘It’s right to record that you did not have a firearm but you pretended you had and intended that those you confronted believed that you did, and it must have been truly terrifying for them at the time…’ As Jex left with more than £613 in till contents and other money, he was followed outside by the shop’s last remaining customer Wayne Vakani the court heard. ‘The defendant pointed the vibrator in the bag at Mr Vakani and warned him to back off,’ said Tim Palmer, prosecuting. ‘Mr Vakani then kept a discreet distance but kept an eye on the defendant and watched where he went.’ The court heard that it was thanks to this customer that the defendant’s hat, worn during the robbery and containing his DNA, was discovered nearby. Initially Jex denied any involvement but later changed his plea. He was a drug addict with a string of previous convictions dating back to February 2002, the court heard.” — BBC (UK)

(Thanks to James for the link.)

Here is a picture of Mr. Jex. He looks like a regular bloke, the kind of guy you see chugging a few pints while watching the World Cup. His robbery was caught on surveillance video, and here is a still of him wielding the vibrator at terrified customers. It is difficult to make out that it is in fact a sex toy that he’s holding, but that’s precisely the point: the victims couldn’t tell either, so they did the smart thing and presumed it was a threat. You can’t help but wonder how they would have reacted if they had recognized it. Maybe they’d have laughed. Maybe they’d have thrown themselves on the floor and spread their legs.

All things considered, it’s a pretty silly story. However, it does raise an interesting question. People deflect all sorts of things — cucumbers, toilet-paper rolls, bubble wrap — from their intended purpose in order to use them as sex toys. How, conversely, do people deflect sex toys from their intended purpose? How do they use and misuse them for non-sexual ends? Robbery is one possibility. You wonder how many other obsolete toys are used as paperweights or bookends. Windows could be propped open with simulation cocks or flowers planted in the famous Fleshlight. Or for those of you who are not only perverse but green, there is the Rabbit Amnesty program — “the world’s first sex toy recycling scheme!” What do you think they do with the recycled vibrators?

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