“Police in Ontario are looking for a man who allegedly approached women and asked them to kick him in the groin. Three women reported similar incidents to police and two of the women reported the suspect was on a bicycle. The various incidents allegedly occurred over the past two months. Police Sergeant Cate Welsh said on Monday the man’s request is not a crime, but they are concerned it may be a precursor to sexual assault. ‘That kind of behaviour tends to be a precursor to sexual assault. That’s what we’re trying to determine,’ Welsh said. The suspect is described as white, in his early twenties, with a brown goatee and a large gap between his front teeth. None of the women reported injuries.” — Independent Online (South Africa)

According to a police sergeant quoted in another article, the guy’s quest for testicular trauma has not been without success. “Some of the women obliged him,” the sergeant said. “I would imagine it would be quite painful, but he didn’t make a peep, just stood up and went on his way. It’s hard to imagine what motivated him. It’s very strange.” Officer, it’s not really so strange. Most guys would rather be poked in the eye than kicked in the nuts, but there is a thriving masochistic subculture that thinks a boot to the balls is the very height of sexual excitement. Probably they like to get kicked by random hotties for the same reason that other guys fantasize about groping them or drinking their pee: it’s better to have some connection with them, even a painful one, than no connection at all.

In fact, doctors say that it is surprisingly difficult to really injure the testicles. The “mobility of the scrotum may be one reason severe injury is rare.” Most guys who get kicked in the nuts feel some pain, but it’s usually not so crippling that it cannot be mixed up with stimulation as well. Of course, you wouldn’t want to be one of the unlucky ones who does experience a severe injury. PervScan once knew a guy who swore up and down that one of his testicles was busted in half by such an episode. But odds are that was some other testicular abnormality, such as a cyst.

If you think it’s strange to go around asking hotties for a kick to the crown jewels, what do you make of guys who get their scrotums split? Do a Google Images search for scrotal splitting. Once you’ve had a good look at some of those pictures, a knee to the nuts doesn’t sound so bad. And when you consider that there are people who choose — consciously and deliberately — to get their nuts cut up like that, it makes it easier to fathom that some guys merely opt to get their kicks being kicked.

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