“While I’m not one of those people who subscribes to the idea that rape is inherently spirit murder and categorically worse than murder, I don’t think you’re treating it with quite the gravity it deserves.

Rape is universally difficult to cope with, because it is both an act of domination that subjugates the identity of the victim by turning them into an object for the rapist’s physical gratification, and an attack on a very personal, very private aspect of the victim’s body and self-image. Rape is not just another form of assault and battery; it is unique because it targets a victim’s sexuality and understanding of themselves and catches them in hurtful social expectations.

Sex is often a humiliating subject to talk about in the wrong company, especially for women, who are subject to more strenuous public condemnation when they are revealed to be promiscuous or even simply sexually active. They often have to be very careful who they reveal their sexual activities to, lest they be harshly judged. Because of this, sex is often a very personal topic, and frequently close to a person’s sense of identity. A violation of a person’s sexual self-image can be disastrous for them, and throw into question their entire sense of self.

Rape is also an extremely intimate crime. By violating such a private part of a person’s body, rape encourages the idea that nothing and no one is ever safe. Rape victims can find themselves in states of extreme and constant terror because they are no longer able to trust those around them (particularly if the rapist was a friend or family member).

Rape is also treated differently by the public than other forms of assault. No one would claim that a man beaten to death in Central Park was an idiot asking to be mugged and killed; however, a woman kidnapped and raped in the same park might be suggested to be a fool for going out alone. People also react more along ideological lines to the crime of rape, and expect the victim to act in ways that confirm their particular theories about the nature of rape, which puts pressure on the victim during a very traumatic time.

Also, because our society has such a complex and often contradictory network of sexual taboos, the rape victim is often caught between a rock and a hard place. If they recover easily and bounce back from the attack without letting it change their view of sex, they are branded a slut, or told that they are “just deceiving themselves.” However, if they fall into a deep depression and rage, they’re told they need to “just snap out of it” because it could have been worse. If they fight back, they put themselves in a much more dangerous physical situation that risks turning them into a murder victim, but if they don’t put up a fight, it is often assumed that they either enjoyed it, deserved it, had consensual sex and then regretted it, or are simply making up the entire thing. If the victim was raped by a stranger, they must have dressed like a whore or been stupid enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; if he or she was raped by a friend or relative, then they are caught between the expectation that they either stop being a baby and turn in their rapist, and the less public presumption that they should shut up because they should have some sense of loyalty.

The public judgment in addition to the personal shame often isolates the victim, turning them inwards on themselves to wallow in the guilt and fear left over after the attack. This cycle of depression and terrified seclusion only further worsens the psychological damage, leading to increased suicide rates among victims of rape (which is not common to any other type of battery besides those involving permanent disability or disfigurement).

Rape also has the potential to infect the rape victim with an STD or impregnate her, unlike other forms of battery, which adds to the psychological trauma. The terror of being potentially pregnant with one’s rapist’s child is horrifying, and the idea that one’s sexual life and health is irrevocably changed due to a disease contacted by means out your control is, also.”

A couple points bear repeating. 1. If I convinced you I was a family member and further convinced you to give me $1000, that would certainly be fraud and should be punished. Why doesn’t that principle of fraud apply in this case?

2. You’re argument skirts the oft-stated feeling that “If she didn’t want to be raped she shouldn’t have dressed like a slut.” You say she just “can’t be bothered to verify the identity of [her] sexual partners” and she just has “buyer’s remorse”. In other words, she’s just a slut, so she’s to blame because she should have figured out who she was sleeping with. The reason why your argument is wrong (in addition to being offensive and contributing to the stereotype that rape is okay) is she did figure out who she was sleeping with! She figured that it was her husband, but the person lied to her and worked to deceive her.

3. At the point where I’m working to deceive a person into having sex when they wouldn’t otherwise, how is that different from slipping them a Micky to get them to have sex?

Reverse this decision, and you add the additional ‘out’ whereby one party can claim that the sex was completely consensual at the time, that no effort to fight back or deny consent physically or verbally was made, and then just claim, “(s)he lied to me, so it really was rape.”

There’s an awful lot to be said for, “Caveat emptor.” If you can’t be bothered to verify the identity of your sexual partners before beginning the act, I don’t see why consent should come with a warranty.

If it’s forceful, non-consensual sex, by all means throw the offending party in jail. If it’s just buyer’s remorse, take a shower and get on with life, armed with the additional experience to make better future decisions. You don’t get to ruin somebody’s life just because you changed your mind!