The Pink Stinger
Sometimes the 1,014 stories that have appeared to date back up in PervScan’s mouth — and probably yours too. There have been so many astonishing examples of decadence and deviance that the sad-sack tales of flashers and girl-gropers barely seem perverse anymore. You see a story like Sex Toy Testers and you think, “Gosh, hasn’t this been done already? Aw hell, even if it hasn’t, it’s not that interesting.” And so you move on, looking for some story that’s not just depraved but new.
As so often happens in life, today’s novelty arrived when it was least expected. Over at Schneir on Security, one of the best blogs covering security and technology, this blipped up on the radar: Tampon Taser. A tampon taser? A stun gun for that time of the month when your cherry is in sherry? No, a taser disguised as a tampon. Here is a picture, and here is some of the promotional copy:
Ladies can replace that monthly period with an exclamation mark as feminine hygiene goes lethal with The Pink Stinger, a taser/stun gun creatively disguised as a tampon… except for the buttons, prods and high voltage. This weapon of mass absorption aims to target a niche market consumer, that being the tampon wielding women who desire private and discreet security in a friendly familiar package…
The beauty of this taser/stun gun, aptly named The Pink Stinger, is its ingenious design and ability to be concealed nicely and unassumingly into any purse for ultimate stealth. The taser’s gentle glide zapplicator easily fits in the palm of your hand for incredible comfort and protection and ready for honorable discharge at a moments notice. In addition, its fresh floral scent helps eliminate the smell of fear, not just cover it up.
The Pink Stinger packs 50,000 volts of power at your finger tips. Because it is an advanced taser gun, you do have the option of stun or taser capabilities with a simple click of a switch. In the Stun setting, you need only make contact with intended target via the 2 prods for an effective toxic shock rendering the victim disoriented, demoralized and embarrassed. When shooting in Taser mode, 2 extra absorbent cotton tampons with barbed probes and 14 ft. of wire are expelled and propelled by compressed nitrogen. Electric current then passes to the body, where the probes have attach to the clothing or bare skin, causing central nervous system disruption, possible urination and certain humiliation.
And don’t forget the small print:
Need not be female or menstruating to use effectively. Tampon taser/stun gun to be used for security purposes only or in self defense. It is not intended nor recommended for vaginal insertion.
So how’s that for ultimate feminine protection? A great security system for the ladies but not so good for the guys. Yet a new reason for men to fear tampons the other 3 weeks of the month.
Setting aside the taser itself, that is a hilarious bit of writing — perhaps one of the funniest product descriptions you’ll ever see. But then when you think about it, the Pink Stinger is a pretty perplexing product. What exactly is the point of disguising it as a tampon? Many women would be more embarrassed to have someone notice a tampon in their pocketbook than a taser. And it is difficult to see how the gizmo could be useful during those critical moments when you might really need a stun gun. Suppose some guy shoves you into a dark doorway and threatens to mug or rape you. You think he’s really going to pause if you say, “Hey, wait a minute. Either you scared the piss out of me or I just got my period. Mind if I paw around in my bag for a tampon?”
The manufacturer specifies that it is “not intended or recommended for vaginal insertion,” but it is easier to imagine this thing coming in handy if you actually kept it in your vag. Then when some guy tries to violate you, you can reach down, yank it out, and give him “50,000 volts of power” on the weiner. That would fry his hot dog.
Of course, keeping it in your vag would raise all sorts of other questions about hygiene, side effects (maybe the manufacturers could add a little switch to make it vibrate?), accidental discharges. Maybe they could send a few Pink Stingers over to those Sex Toy Testers for some hands-on testing.
I read the article link. I laughed, I cringed, laughed some more and then oddly enough I menstruated.
A huge opportunity for some slapstick comedy, surely?
i’m laughing so hard and out loud right now i’ve got a stitch in my side the moment i saw the picture of the this thing . i can just imagine even with the warning not to put this up your snach that stupid as some people can be some women is going to try it, just think what will happen if some how she then sits wrong and the thing is turned on zzzzzap, on second thought this hyperthetical chic would already be an idiot for buying it in the first place.
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