“A Central Florida doctor is accused of sexually assaulting a woman during a costume party while he was dressed as the super hero Captain America. Raymond Adamcik was arrested Saturday night at the On Tape Café and Lounge and booked at the Melbourne Police Department while still wearing blue tights and a Captain America head gear. ‘It was just a group of doctors that were traveling throughout the city going from bar to bar,’ Melbourne police representative Jill Fredricksen said. Authorities said Adamcik was in possession of a large burrito and drugs. ‘While in the restroom, he attempted to flush a bag of marijuana as well as a joint down the toilet,’ Fredrickson said. Police said they were able to recover a joint from the toilet but the bag was flushed, the report said. The doctor now faces drug and battery charges in connection with the incident.” — Local6 (US)

You don’t want to minimize the pain and humiliation suffered by any of the victims in this case, and yet sometimes it is difficult not to feel a weird gratitude for the whacky things people do. How dull the world would be without oddities like this case. It is chock full of crazy details. There’s the bit in the story about the man being arrested “in possession of a large burrito and drugs.” It makes the burrito sound downright illicit — or it might also make you think of a joint wrapped in a tortilla. And in the police report there’s this morsel: “Because there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the time, all Captain America’s [sic] were asked to go outside for a possible identification.” The police report also tells about an officer valiantly trying to fish some contraband out of the toilet before the perp could flush it. You know that the police put their bodies in harm’s way in the line of duty. You know that they might take a bullet. But did you know that they’d be willing to plunge their hands into toilet water too? What a thankless job.

The news station has a great video showing Captain America — complete in blue tights — getting booked by the police. The Smoking Gun also has a mugshot of the guy (er, the superhero?) looking wasted. Probably he will blame the whole episode on drink, claim he was out of his mind, has a drinking problem, will plead for rehab rather than jail. It will be a drab ending to an otherwise colorful story, and it makes you wish he’d maintain his shtick somehow. If you’re going to dress up as Captain America to assault a woman, you have to have the panache to carry it through to its conclusion. For example, when the cops arrest you, claim that the woman is Iraq and that your sexual assault is nothing but a political protest. It wouldn’t excuse your crime, but it would certainly entertain the rest of us.

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