Man Charged With Lewd Acts On Women’s Clothing At Wal-Mart
“It’s illegal to walk into a department store, grab women’s clothing and other merchandise, masturbate on it all and then leave. It might just be dumb to go back afterward. That’s how police ended up finding and charging 20-year-old Joseph Eric Renno with open lewdness last week… [Renno] was spotted taking magazines and clothes into a dressing room at the Wal-Mart off Route 309 in Richland Township on March 1. The store’s loss prevention officer suspected he might be trying to steal things when he walked out of the dressing room a bit later without the merchandise. She went to check the dressing room and found the magazines and a man’s shirt, plus panties and a bra. She also found a thick substance she believed to be semen on the items and the dressing room mirror. The merchandise, valued at $36 was destroyed except for the shirt, which police kept as evidence. Another Wal-Mart employee told police the man frequented the store; she knew him as ‘Eric.’ Employees promised to call police if the man returned. He did last Friday. Police went to the Wal-Mart when employees called, found Renno and took him to headquarters for questioning. He admitted masturbating on the mirror and the merchandise, police said. In addition to open lewdness, Renno is charged with disorderly conduct and criminal mischief.” — The Morning Call (US)
(Thanks to Leon for the link.)
The perp must have been really proud of himself, at least until he was arrested. While other guys are out spending their hard-earned cash on pornography, strippers, and hookers, the perp in this story found an inexpensive way to sate his desires. In Wal-Mart he gathered some stimulating magazines (maybe an issue of Cosmo, which always has cleavage-y covers) and sexy lingerie, took them to a changing room, and took care of pressing business. There’s a certain do-it-yourself ingenuity, perhaps even brilliance, to the whole setup.
Then again, he would have been well advised to heed two clichés. The first, common among criminals, is never to revisit the scene of the crime. You can’t keep destroying the same Wal-Mart without expecting to get caught. Don’t let your pride edge over into hubris for, as the ancients Greek knew, hubris never goes unpunished. Or if that’s too fancy a cliché, the perp could also have saved himself a trip to the jail by recalling every mother’s simple injunction: leave it like you found it. If you’re going to transform a changing room into your own personal wankerdrome, don’t leave it in any worse condition than you found it. If the perp hadn’t shot his wad all over the mirror and ruined $36 of clothes, the cops wouldn’t have had much excuse to arrest him. He’d already gathered up magazines and lingerie from the store. Couldn’t he have taken a box of tissues too?
no one wanted to check if the thick substance on the mirror was semen or not ???? ;)
and who needs strippers and pros when you have cosmo and wal mart ???? :)
Pssst….”Thelma, here comes that man again, you know, the one who did that nasty thing in the dressing room! Quick! get the camera….we’ll catch his ass red handed this time with proof.
OK mommy, I’m gonna run in the dressing room and try on this new bathing suit real quick, be right back…..EWWWW! What’s this slimey stuff all over the seat and the mirror?
“porn on a budget ?”
*Blinks* Good thing I don’t shop there :)
I still say he should have cleaned up or of course, bought a pack of cigs ;) heh.
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