Certainly one of the most novel stories to appear on PervScan in recent times was the case of the guy who got caught fucking his girlfriend’s dead dog. (You might recall that it wasn’t just dead, but that it had been dead a week.) And just when that seemed like it might have been the most outrageous thing you’d heard in a year, lightning struck twice. Only a few weeks later, another man was caught fucking a dead deer. At least that bit of roadkill seems to have been a bit fresher than the dog.

Both perps are now working their way through a perplexed judicial system. Reading the updates on the cases, you get the impression that authorities feel these guys have committed crimes but are struggling to find the exact law that they’ve broken. The judge in the dog case, for example, recently ruled that “even though Michigan law does not explicitly define sex with a dead dog as a crime, charges against a Saginaw man will stand.” There’s no crime but the charges stand — does that raise hairs on your head? The judge claims that “the purpose of the sodomy law is not to protect a specific victim, necessarily, but ‘to prevent people from debasing and dehumanizing themselves.’ Such laws also protect society, Sheeran said, and ‘prevents people from acting like animals themselves.’” This is a pretty freewheeling interpretation of the law. If she wants to prevent people from acting like animals, she might have to arrest every frat boy in Michigan. It seems like she’d have much better legal grounds to convict the dog lover on indecent exposure, since he committed his deplorable deed in plain view of a daycare center.

Meanwhile, the lawyer for the deer dude seems to be taking a different tact, blaming the system for failing to rehabilitate his client (who had already been to prison once for cruelty to animals). “Mr. Hathaway,” the lawyer said, “was in the state’s hands for 18 months. In those 18 months he did not receive one minute of rehabilitation services, not one minute of counseling.” When he was released on parole, he was sent to a group whose purpose was to treat pedophiles, not zoosadists. “You’re not going to find a bestiality group,” the lawyer said. “They don’t exist.” However, now that there are at least two dead animal fetishists in American prisons, perhaps authorities can use some sort of online conference software to start a therapy group for the two guys.

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