“A woman attacked a man in his genitals during a Christmas party, injuring him badly enough that he needed 50 stitches, authorities said Friday. Rebecca Arnold Dawson, 34, was charged with malicious castration in a fight early Tuesday at a party hosted by the 38-year-old man’s girlfriend, police said. All three were heavily intoxicated, police Chief Frank Powers said. Dawson is accused of grabbing the man’s genitals. Police said a weapon was not used. He declined to elaborate. ‘I believe he needed more than 50 stitches to repair the damage, but he is back home at this point,’ police Cpl. Brad Stevens said. ‘All we can tell you is that the injury was done with her hands.’ Dawson does not have a listed phone number. State law describes malicious castration as cutting off, maiming or disfiguring a person’s genitals with the intent to hurt or render the victim impotent.” — Fox News (US)

Here is a picture of Ms. Dawson. Here is a picture of her from a previous arrest for “resisting a public officer, intoxication and disruptive behavior, and assault on a government employee.” She looks like she fell asleep with her face in a ceiling fan. According to mycrimespace.com, Ms. Dawson has a MySpace page under the name andys_angel_eyes. The picture there could show Ms. Dawson, but it’s hard to say for sure. There is no definitive proof it’s her account, though it’s amusing to note that the default song playing on the page is “Crazy Bitch.”

Crazy bitch indeed. Her story has been burning its way through the blogosphere for one simple reason. It’s not because she attempted to castrate somebody. That happens more frequently than you’d want to know (if you’re male). It’s because she attempted to castrate him using her bare hands. Another account of the incident specified that she was trying to “pull a man’s genitals off.” According to a urologist, this would actually be difficult to achieve: “‘I’ve never heard of it,’ [the urologist] said, explaining that the testes are attached deep into the pelvis. ‘It’s pretty much impossible to do.’” Of course, that doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

Setting aside the obvious jokes about hand jobs and pulling off, you can’t help but wonder two things. First, what caused the whole ruckus? Evidently they had a drunken argument, but why did she go for the ‘nads? Second, Ms. Dawson couldn’t have gotten such a formidable grip through a pair of trousers. Did she tear his pants off? Or had the guy exposed his penis in some manner? The story would make sense if he had attempted to rape her and she had reacted in this way. But if that were the case, then wouldn’t he have been charged with assault? Surely she wouldn’t have been charged with “malicious” castration if she’d only been defending herself.

In any event, it certainly must have made for a sordid Christmas. The Ghost of Christmas Past was able to scare old Ebenezer Scrooge with just images of death. Imagine what a pervier ghost, one able to put the dick in Dickens, could have wrought with mutilation?

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