“A teenager who told friends he would take his own life if he was still a virgin at 19 hanged himself, an inquest heard. Joe Burns, 18, had hoped to spend the night with a girl but she had gone off with another boy. His friend Jasmine Macavoy told how she and another friend Paul Hayward were with Joe before he died. She said: ‘He was down because he’d seen the girl with someone else. He’d sent a text saying he’d commit suicide before his 19th birthday if he hadn’t lost his virginity. ‘He suggested we all played strip poker and have a threesome. This wasn’t like him at all. Paul and I went for a walk, but when we came back 20 minutes later, Joe was dead.’ Joe’s mother Sian, of Wainscott, Kent — who has five other children — said he was sensitive and found it difficult to make friends. She told Medway coroner’s court: ‘He’d kissed a 15-year-old girl and I’d seen love bites on his neck. He hoped to sleep with her on the night he killed himself, but she let him down. He was frustrated because he wanted to lose his virginity. ‘His life-long ambition was to join the Army, but he’d been rejected. He felt rejected by the world.’ Coroner Roger Sykes said: ‘It’s possible this could have been a cry for help and he had hoped someone would find him in time. I cannot say I’m sure he intended to take his own life.’” — Mirror (UK)

(Thanks to Furpo for the link.)

No amount of searching could turn up any additional information about the unfortunate Mr. Burns or his sad end. You can only surmise that, since he had openly declared his intention to kill himself if he couldn’t get laid, his friends didn’t take him seriously. Maybe that was precisely the problem. Nobody took him seriously.

After all, if you knew a friend would really kill himself because of an act that would probably take no more than five minutes to perform, you’d think someone would step up to the plate and help him out. A female friend could offer a mercy fuck, or a male friend could arrange something for him. If all else fails, you could lend the kid two hundred bucks and drop him off at a whorehouse. If he was desperate enough to try to convince his friends to have a threesome, he probably would have accepted an hour with a hooker. If not — and if you were a really good friend — you could have paid the hooker to act like she was just a random stranger with uncontrollable hots for the boy.

It’s a sad tale, especially since there is such a disparity between the sexual and suicidal act. Failure to achieve a few moments of pleasure hardly seems worth putting an end to all possibility of it. No matter how many times in your life you might have felt as though you would “die if you don’t get laid,” you never really meant it like that. Evidently there were other factors pushing Mr. Burns to consider suicide, but still it sucks to think a mere lay could have at least forestalled it.

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