“A farmer in Russia has asked the president to allow him to marry a cow. Boris Gabov, from Kemerovo, posed the question in a webcast in which people could ask Vladimir Putin anything. He said: ‘All the girls have left our small village, so I cannot find a woman to be with. But I love animals very much.’ It is unclear what Mr Putin’s reply was.” — Metro.co.uk (UK)

Here is a picture of President Putin doing the web chat, which was organized by the site yandex.ru. If you can read Russian, there are some stats about the questions asked and topics covered during the chat. The apparent transcript of the chat errors out when you try to translate it with Babelfish. Apparently President Putin spoke about a variety of topics including North Korea’s missile tests, oil, Chechnya, and President Bush. His answer to the cow question, according to another article, “was not made public.” The suppression makes you wonder if he said something controversial, perhaps an endorsement of man-cow marriage.

The amazing thing, however, is that the question actually made it to President Putin. Stop and consider that for a moment. Here’s a world leader, an important man, a mover and a shaker. The guy has nuclear weapons he can dispatch. And somehow, some way, a hardup farmer from the equivalent of Buttlick, Russia, managed to pose him a question about bestiality. It’s astonishing the question wasn’t censored out. Can you imagine if you posed the same question to President Bush? “Mr. President, may I have consensual relations with a cow?” You’d have about three minutes before the Secret Service impounded your computer and whisked you away to the nuthouse. Regardless of how Bush responded, Democrats would be in the news saying that the White House tolerates animal sex. Schoolteachers across the land would be struggling to explain bestiality to little children — or, given the internet age, little kids may well be explaining it to their teachers.

Meanwhile, it’s fascinating to speculate how President Bush would answer. He doesn’t support marriage between two people of the same gender, so it’s hard to see how he would bless interspecies marriages. At the same time, though, he likes to play that good-ole-boy-from-Texas role. Would he have to bless the perverted union in order to please his country-time constituents?

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