“A 76-year-old Vegreville farmer took the witness stand yesterday in an Edmonton Court of Queen’s Bench trial where he is the alleged victim in a case of extortion, sex assault, unlawful confinement and assault with a weapon. Peppering his colourful testimony with constant swearing, racist references, snipes at the defence lawyer and his woes of sexual inadequacy, Selmer Field recounted a bizarre tale of allegedly being set up and blackmailed. Field testified the accused, Joanne Marie Alexandruk, 47, showed up at a Vegreville cafe where he was eating lunch on Jan. 31, 2005, and told him to go to her home. Once there, he said she stripped down to her panties, pulled off his pants and sweater and ordered him to get on the bed. Then a man came into the bedroom, said ‘Now I got you’ and began snapping photographs. ‘He was someone from Mars, I think. He had a beard and was a wild man,’ said Field… In cross-examination, Field admitted trying to have sex with Alexandruk several times, but said he couldn’t perform so therefore it didn’t count as cheating on his wife. ‘If you can’t get a hard-on, it’s no go, there is no sex,’ said Field. ‘There was no sex. It was like a half-cooked wiener. I’m like a steer.’ At one point Field viewed the naked photos Reimer took of him and said: ‘Hell of a good-looking man, I’d say,’ and bragged about having a good chest for a 76-year-old man… The farmer had several testy exchanges with defence lawyer Darin Sprake, demanding he stop grilling him and trying to trap him, and once looked like he was going to go after him, saying ‘If I was 30 years younger …’” — Edmonton Sun (CA)

Here is a picture of Mr. Field aiming a fist at the photographer. Here is a picture of the lady in question — hardly worth fighting for, you’d think. Her testimony sounded pretty reasonable, but ultimately she and her male friend were convicted of extortion.

The other day PervScan lamented the constant flood of lame-ass flimsy excuses that perps make for their behavior when caught with their pants down. And that’s what is so refreshing about this case. Though Mr. Field may not have been the perp, he certainly was caught with his pants down — but did he take it lying down? No way! Look at that picture of him threatening the photographer with a fist. That’s the kind of spunk you want to see out of people. You can’t help but root for him simply because he’s a feisty old guy with balls. How can you not admire an old soldier who threatens — while on the stand, no less — to give a whippin’ to the legal sheister who’s currently examining him? It’d be great to find the rest of his testimony. You can practically hear it in your head, “I wanted to fuck her, so what! You dumb kike, what’d you think I wanted to do — mow her lawn?”

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