“Some Bowling Green, Ky., police officers found more than they bargained for after stopping by a Western Kentucky University fraternity party early Thursday. The officers discovered a live goat stuffed into a storage room of the Alpha Gamma Rho house with no food or water, standing in its own urine and feces, according to WBKO-TV in Bowling Green. The authorities cited 19-year-old Trenton Dakota Jackson with a second-degree count of cruelty to animals. Officials aren’t sure why the goat was in the storage room and don’t know how long the goat had been held captive. Some of the students told police the goat was going to be used in a hazing ritual. Brian Peyton, the president of Western’s Alpha Gamma Rho chapter, said the goat was brought in as a prank, to make some pledges think they would have to have sex with it, WBKO reported. But Peyton told the TV station that the incident wasn’t related to hazing. He said that nobody actually was going to have sex with the goat, the TV station reported. The goat was sent to the Warren County Humane Society so it could be examined by a veterinarian.” — NBC17.com (US)

Here is a picture of the goat in question. It almost looks cute in comparison to some of the other asinine things that frat boys do during their hazing rituals. Like there’s the one where initiates have to pick up mustard-covered cherries between naked ass cheeks — the point of the mustard, of course, being to impart a burning sensation to the rectum. So which would you rather do: burn your ass or boff a goat? Hell, the latter should at least feel good, presuming you don’t get bitten or you don’t end up allowing some goat disease to make the leap to humans via your penis.

But the frat boys swear that it was all a prank, that nobody was really going to be obliged to get it on with Mr. or Mrs. Goat. (None of the news stories specify the goat’s gender.) Actually, if that’s true, it’s not a bad prank either. You can imagine the uproar of drunk laughter when some frat lord actually brings a goat out of the closet.

Since there was no sex and no prank and no hazing, though, the whole case hinges around the question of cruelty. Is it cruel to keep a goat in a storage room? Probably, though it may depend on just how long it was in there. A few hours wouldn’t hurt it. And it may also depend on where they got the goat. Maybe they rescued it from a farm where it was already getting boffed. And if that were the case, then — like the old song — they were being cruel only to be kind.

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