Terms of Endearment
“I know a writer of erotica who keeps a list of sex terms beside her computer to draw from whenever she needs yet another way to describe whatever sex act her characters are about to engage in. I don’t keep a list, but after writing a weekly sex column for over a decade, I sometimes feel like I need one. For example, it can get tiresome trying to find different phrases for ‘down there.’
Especially given the plethora of icky terms for, well, the crotch region (or ‘cratch’ as a friend jokes, pronounced, of course, with a thick Southern twang). Anatomically correct terms are equally unsexy. ‘Genitals’ sounds like Geritol. ‘Vagina’ and ‘penis’ are so perfunctory — and yes, I realize that ‘vagina’ isn’t even the proper anatomical term, but would you really rather use ‘vulva’? There simply aren’t many good names for the whole package, or ‘the unit’ as one woman I spoke to prefers. I’m rather attached to ‘niggly bits’ or plain old ‘bits,’ but I’ve been scolded that these are ‘horribly British.’ So, what are my options? ‘Flamboro fluffy sausage wallet‘? Yes, one woman actually heard this one. How do other people deal with this naming problem?” — Hour.ca (Canada)
This is a long, humorous editorial with more terms for penis and vagina than you thought existed. From vulva to flamboro fluffy sausage wallet, from weiner to purple helmet mayonnaise cannon, the writer seems to take an almost encyclopedic approach to weighing the terms people give their genitalia. Maybe you can even help her out and throw in a novelty or two.
That being said, all these names — which range from the harsh to the cute — point to a fascinating underlying question. Why do people feel compelled to give different names to their genitalia? Hell, you never feel like elbow is inadequate to describe a part of your arm. You never seem to feel the need to replace forehead with something more personal or intimate. Why is it any different with penis and vagina? Cock and cunt? Dick and pussy? Los ping-pongs and bippy (hunh?)?
The obvious answer would be that the words for these parts of the body have long been taboo, or at least in “good” society, and therefore the taboo has caused people to find user-friendly variants of the original terms. You can’t say “dick” in front of Lord Alfred, so you say “Richard” instead. But then that argument seems to founder on the ass. The rectum has been just as taboo as the penis and the vagina, and yet nobody seems to feel a need to come up with polite nicknames for their buttholes. Like, somebody farts and says, “Whoops! I guess Charlie is yawning!”
The Guardian ran a feature about this about a year ago. You can get read it at http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,3604,1440626,00.html .
You *have* seen this Web site that lists badly used “erotica” writing terms, I hope…
Another funny site, anlong the same vein:
http://www.worldoflongmire.com/features/romance_novels/index.htm
A fascinating question indeed.
Who do men and women feel compelled to do this?
Eve Ensler covers this in the Vagina Monologues on many levels with the pieces.
Having done the show twice myself I have Reclaimed Cunt and hope all women do everywhere.
From my own viewpoint I think people name their genitals all based on shame. As a society we are so repressed about Sex.
Not sex itself, but the enjoyment of it.
Even though we are always bombarded my images of sex and we all know it is the underlying force of our economy, we still have this denial thing about it. In the culture we live in we still have yet to be at a point where that its okay to enjoy sex, talk about it openly in mixed company, how it affects us and the world we live in. Educating our children about it so their aren’t getting knocked up at thirteen.
I could go on and on and on there.
My point is this.
Until we get over this fake Victorian shroud covering the topic of Sex and its place in our “evolved polite society” we’ll continue to name our genitals. We’ll look at them as separate enties from ourselves.
Some women will die having never had an orgasm because she never took the time to explore her own vagina and there will be men who get their Cock sucked by a prostitute then going home to their wives to have “Melvin gets snuggly will Milicent” , because he can’t tell his wife he needs her to “Suck his Cock!” and call it that while she does so.
Incidentally I used to use “Puter”. Not for my … um… you know,
but when I needed to go to the gynecologist. It’s just more fun to say Puterdoctor.
Yay Vaginas!
Hey everybody: Remember George Carlin’s 7 words that you can never say on television, radio, or should not use in conferences at business meetings: Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits.
Now this was in the early 1970’s when he came out with this on a comedy ablum (yes Martha, it was on 8-track too).
It was real funny then and considered quite risque.
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