“A man who had an off-the-beaten-path rendezvous with a prostitute is facing numerous charges after he got stuck in waist-deep mud and required a police helicopter to pull him out. Delaware police intend to charge Thomas Bruno, 49, with falsely reporting an incident, trespassing, criminal solicitation and patronising with a prostitute. On Sunday Bruno met a male prostitute in a bar and agreed to pay for sex, but the two got into an argument, and Bruno got lost while trying to leave the area. At 4am, Bruno called for help on his cellphone. When troopers found him four hours later, he was stuck in mud up to his waist. A police helicopter lowered a harness and he was tugged free. Bruno first told police he had driven off the road and became stranded. Later he said the prostitute had stolen his money; finally he admitted giving the man money for sex.” — Independent Online (South Africa)

Rehoboth Beach is a resort area on the Atlantic coast in Delaware. It calls itself “the nation’s summer capital.” It’s not exactly the sort of place you expect to find male prostitutes in the winter. Who goes to the nation’s summer capital in the dead of winter? After all, it’s pretty cold this time of year.

However, it obviously hasn’t been cold enough to freeze the mud. Mr Bruno got lost in a marshy area off the beaten path and somehow managed to sink up to his waist in mud. That must have been an awful experience. Some guys get caught with hookers when they’re raided by cops or when their wives find mysterious charges on their credit card bills. This guy was half swallowed up by the earth. It’s such a freak of fate that it reads like a punishment for sinners out of a medieval tale of hell. “Lust not, lest the earth swallow ye up!” It’s practially allegorical, as though the punishment for dirty thoughts is to be buried in dirt.

At any rate, the guy was fortunate to have his cell phone, else he probably would have drowned in the muck or possibly frozen to death. However, it’s hard to understand why he ended up admitting that he had been out with a male prostitute. Why confess to a crime? If he hadn’t admitted as much, he couldn’t have been charged with anything worse than trespassing. You’d think that being buried in mud would be enough punishment. Why ask for jail time too?

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