“A young man damaged the spongy tissue of his penis when he was making love for the first time, Chongqing Morning Post reported today. The young man, who gave his name as Huang, helped by two companions, arrived at Xinqiao Hospital late last night, looking shy and awkward, the paper said. It took some time for the young man to pluck up the courage to tell the doctor he felt he had wrecked his penis when he was making his sexual debut with his girlfriend. An examination showed the spongy tissue of his penis was damaged while he had an erection. In an immediate operation, which took half an hour, doctors sewed the tissue and repaired the damage, the report said. Doctor Jin, from the hospital’s urology department, said that over excitement and lack of experience might well contribute to such accidents. Jin said people in such cases should immediately consult a doctor and any delay could be dangerous.” — Shanghai Daily (China)

(Thanks to Furpo for the link.)

If this guy engaged in such, uh, bone-headed efforts at sex that he damaged the spongy tissue of his penis, then what happened to his girlfriend? Did he wreck her twat too? Or perhaps the injury suggests that the newbie couldn’t even locate the proper female orifice. Probably he was trying to stick himself into her perineum. Or to judge from the severity of the injury, maybe he tried to insert his penis into her kneecap or her elbow. Something sure doesn’t add up. How tight could she be?

While people like to moan about the way in which television and the internet have caused kids to grow up “too quick,” you can’t help but wonder if this poor Chinese boy had the exact opposite problem. Maybe if China weren’t so repressive, this guy could have googled “make love first time.” He could have learned about the birds and the bees. He could have located a diagram showing him where to put his tool. He could have learned about the importance of proper lubrication. He could have learned how to be a man.

Then again, if he started googling around to find out about sex, he probably would have stumbled across all sorts of weird shit that would have corrupted him forever. Instead of the innocent pleasure to be had in making love to his girlfriend for the first time, he’d have been contemplating between S&M, B&D, DP anal with a bukkake finish, make his girlfriend eat his goo off a spoon while he tapes it for his videoblog… Is that too much too quick? Maybe it’s better to learn for yourself after all.

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