“Computer chips that store music could soon be built into a woman’s breast implants. One boob could hold an MP3 player and the other the person’s whole music collection. BT futurology, who have developed the idea, say it could be available within 15 years. BT Laboratories’ analyst Ian Pearson said flexible plastic electronics would sit inside the breast. A signal would be relayed to headphones, while the device would be controlled by Bluetooth using a panel on the wrist. According to The Sun he said: ‘It is now very hard for me to thing of breast implants as just decorative. If a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful.’ The sensors around the body linked through the electrical impulses in the chips may also be able to warn wearers about heart murmurs, blood pressure increases, diabetes and breast cancer.” —Ananova (UK)

(Thanks to Bruce and alanr for the link.)

BT Futurology is a company that specializes in creative thinking about the future. If it had been around in the 1920s, it would have issued reports about flying cars and parking lots at the tops of skyscrapers. Here in the 2000s it strives to envision how contemporary technology might evolve — mobile phones imprinted on skin, clothes that monitor health, that sort of thing. A breast implant that serves as an mp3 player is just one of a host of ideas the company has come up with. (And interestingly, you can’t find anything about this on their site. How far did they “develop” the idea?)

Of course, the idea opens the door to all sorts of follies. Nowadays people wonder about the audio quality of their mp3 players, but in the future will they also have to wonder how their mp3 players feel? “Your tits sound great, my dear, but they feel like bricks.” Or suppose that they do figure out how to make mp3 players that feel like tits. In the first place, why bother implanting them? Instead of everybody walking around like they do nowadays with headphones coming out their ears, perhaps they’d wander around suckling on an iPod. (Could Apple possibly get a nipple to serve as a Click Wheel?) In the second place, if you did implant little mp3 players or any other sort of computational device into a woman’s chest, it creates a whole new realm of excuses for gropers and rapists. “Your Honor, I was not fondling that woman’s breasts. I was merely checking my email.”

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