“Nuclear workers are being told not to have casual sex on holidays abroad — in case they end up in bed with an enemy spy. The warning has been issued by UK Atomic Energy Authority to its workers at Windscale in West Cumbria, and sites at Dounreay, Caithness, Harwell and Culham. It comes in the wake of the London terror bombings, with nuke bosses fearing that their workers could be seduced into giving away secrets. The UKAEA says: ‘The threat of exposure following sexual involvement has been used by several foreign intelligence services to pressure people into working for them.’ UKAEA staff at Windscale say they are still trying to figure out how seriously to take the ‘travel guidelines’. One worker said: ‘We saw a fax come through and thought, ‘What the hell is that’? We’re not sure if many people are aware of it because we haven’t been briefed about it yet…’ Bosses say that staff and contractors are at risk from spies abroad, and warn them that modern-day Mata Haris could use casual sex to lure unsuspecting victims… The nuclear workers have been told not to carry passes with them, talk about their work or befriend unknown locals. And employees who do have holiday flings are told that they should confess all to their managers as soon as they get home.” — Cumbria Online (UK)

Spies in the past have used sex to compromise individuals; nuclear workers have access to sensitive information and materials; so isn’t it logical that sex should be used to target nuclear workers? Of course it is. This is a perfectly reasonable fear on the part of the UKAEA. However, to ask anyone to practice celibacy for his job is obviously ridiculous. In the first place, no one is going to refrain from a little nookie with the natives for fear of spilling nuclear secrets during pillow talk. In the second place, it undermines the authority of any officials bold — or naive — enough to ask this of their workers.

In other words, there is a legitimate concern but an absurd solution. Why not come up with something more practical? Rather than ask the impossible — which is that workers be monks — why not accept that vacationers will be looking for recreational sex and give it to them? That’s right. If you can’t control the libidos of nuclear workers, you can still control the outlets they find for their urges. Provide them with hookers. The workers will be thrilled, and security officials can devise all sorts of procedures for ensuring that the hookers aren’t spies. Every “mata hari” can go through the normal procedures required for obtaining a security clearance. Why not? If hookers can handle your sensitive parts, they can certainly handle your sensitive information too.

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