“A grandmother is to be electronically tagged as part of a four-month curfew imposed after she admitted fiddling benefits while working on phone sex chatlines. Magistrates in Oldham heard how Elizabeth Breeze, 55, falsely claimed £9,996 while working on the chatlines for more than two and a half years… The grandmother who is single, had been claiming incapacity benefit since May 2000, after declaring she was unfit to work. She had produced doctors’ certificates to back her claims of ill health, including severe arthritis. But Vincent Carr, prosecuting for the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP) said that investigations discovered that she was working under the name of Wendy Lyons for a sex chatline company called Advanced Dial Communications. She was receiving payment in cheques made out to W Lyons, which were then being cashed for her by her son, who has that initial and surname. Mr Carr added that Breeze also worked for another sex chatline company, Net Date Limited, who supplied staff to other chatline companies.” —Manchester Online (UK)

It’s no secret that commercial phone sex, just like a Hollywood movie, requires what critics call suspension of disbelief. In order to enjoy phone sex, you have to set aside your knowledge of the fact that, in all likelihood, that chick with the sexy voice is really some sort of ugly troll — or somebody’s grandmother, as in this case. You know this and yet you don’t want to know this, so you tend to suppress it and call to mind an image of Aurora Snow while getting off to the dirty talk emitted by arthritic septuagenarians. But you know it’s not Aurora. It’s really Elizabeth Breeze.

That’s the obvious moral of this story. The unobvious moral is perhaps even more shocking. Consider this. The UK’s case is that Ms. Breeze was receiving disability benefits while in fact working as a phone sex maven. Because these benefits are supposed to be received by people who can’t work, and because Ms. Breeze was in fact working, then she shouldn’t have been receiving benefits. Simple enough. However, if the government recognizes phone sex as a valid form of work, does this not imply that every arthritic grandmother should be refused disability benefits — on the grounds that she could always earn money through dirty talk?

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