“Bomb squads in Germany were scrambled after a box of vibrators were mistaken for a bomb. Terrified German postal workers called in the crack team after a package waiting to be shipped out began vibrating and making a strange buzzing noises. Police brought the sender of the package to the post office to explain himself — but when the package was opened they found a life-size female sex doll with an electrical vibrating device deep inside an undisclosed location. The embarrassed man later told police he was returning the doll because it kept turning itself on at the wrong moment. The package was finally defused when the owner removed the batteries from the defective doll.” —FemaleFirst.co.uk (UK)

This has been happening with weird regularity in the last few years. PervScan has featured the nearly identical story of a vibrator terrorizing a post office, as well as a dildo alarming airport security and a chastity belt setting off airport metal detectors. There have also been a few instances of sex toy terror alerts that PervScan hasn’t bothered to reproduce.

In a way, it’s easy to understand why sex toys can end up resembling concealed explosives. Like bombs, sex toys come in unmarked packages. Like terrorists, the people shipping sex toys or bringing them onto an airplane are usually anxious to hide them. And sex toys often vibrate, buzz, or hum, thus frightening baggage handlers with thoughts of timers, tickers, and triggers.

So listen up, folks. Next time you need to shlep a vibrator to another country, or the next time you want to return an electronic love doll, do everyone a favor. Take out the batteries. You don’t really want the FBI interrogating you about your pocket rocket, do you?

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