“Thieves broke into the historic Dumas Brothel museum in Butte, Mont., and stole what the owner described as irreplaceable items — including rare, historic sex toys. Owner Rudy Giecek said he believes at least two thieves entered through the museum’s back door. He said they disabled an alarm and looted rooms. They dismantled beds, stole antique lamps and artwork and emptied glass cases full of brothel artifacts. Police are investigating and have distributed a list of the stolen items to local pawn shops. The brothel was dubbed one of America’s longest-running. It enjoyed 92 years of risque business until it was closed in 1982. Giecek ran it as a museum for 15 years, but closed it earlier this month because of his health, safety concerns and lack of money. He unlocked the museum Tuesday for a New York Times reporter and discovered the burglary.” —The Denver Channel (US)

The next time you pull a dildo out of an orifice, or ben-wa balls out of your ass, stop and have a look. Ask yourself if you can imagine your goo-covered sex toy sitting inside a museum vitrine in one hundred years. Perverts of the future will contemplate your antiquated meat substitute and say to themselves, “Yes, that’s how they jerked off back in the 2000s.” The very thought might make you want to clean up your toy after every use. You wouldn’t want to die unexpectedly and oblige sex scholars of the future to clean the hoary old funk off your vibrator.

Meanwhile, the Dumas Brothel museum is now closed to the public — but it’s also for sale. Wanna buy a whorehouse? Surely somebody must have the relatively small amount of money it would take to rescue this fine artifact from prostitution’s past. If you don’t want to relocate to Butte, Montana, maybe you can relocate the building itself. The Rockefellers moved a medieval cloister from Europe to a park in upper Manhattan. Can’t somebody bring a fine old brothel here too?

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