Man Tries to Fool Breathalyzer with Feces in Mouth
“An accused drunk driver tried but failed to foil a police breathalyzer after stuffing his mouth full of feces. ‘I don’t think alcohol alone would make you do something as disgusting as that,’ South Simcoe Police Insp. Tom McDonald said. ‘I’ve never heard of anything like this before,’ said the 28-year police veteran. Arrested Sunday after his Ford pickup was pulled over on a highway just outside Barrie, Ont., the 59-year-old driver was loaded into a cruiser and taken to a police station for testing. En route, Sgt. James Buchanan said the prisoner vomited, urinated and defecated in the rear of the squad car. After arriving at the station, he said the man grabbed a handful of his own waste ‘and placed it in his mouth, attempting to trick the breathalyser machine.’ It didn’t work, Buchanan said. He alleged the machine registered two readings of intoxication from samples the suspect provided. Both were more than twice the legal limit. Officers called in paramedics to check the man. ‘They helped him clean himself up,’ McDonald said. ‘This fellow was in dire need of help. It’s bizarre, but the effects of alcohol can make people do strange things.’” —AZcentral.com (US)
Normally PervScan would leave stories such as this to the “weird news” sites out there on the web. But consider what the cop said: “I don’t think alcohol alone would make you do something as disgusting as that.” Hm, he’s probably right. Though there is something vaguely excremental about being incredibly drunk — about being “shit-faced” — odds are that many of you have been deeply inebriated without thereby being tempted to defecate into your own mouth. Would the prospect of facing a breathalyzer push you over the edge? Transform you from slobbering drunk to shit-eating freak? Probably not. After all, the perp was DUI but he didn’t cause a massive car crash or run over a kid on a bike. You might eat your own feces to escape going to jail for a decade, but would you do it to avoid having your license taken away? This guy would.
And that’s the point of what the cop was saying. Extreme circumstances might inspire extreme behavior. A person might be willing to eat feces to save his life. But he probably wouldn’t do it just to save his license, and therefore this perp must have had some sort of inclination for eating feces — for coprophagia, the technical name for shit-eating.
Interestingly, if you google “coprophagia,” the top results all concern dogs. There are medicines, veterinarians, and obedience schools all claiming to help stop Rover from eating scat. And then, weirdly, amid half a dozen “sponsored links” for various dog-training products, there is one ad that broadcasts: “Sexy Coprophagia Singles.” The link leads to a run-of-the-mill dating site that has absolutely nothing to do with coprophagia (or any other perversion). Apparently it must be cheaper to buy the keyword “coprophagia” than to buy “meet singles” or “hot babes.” Want to do a good joke? Everybody search for “coprophilia” at Google and, if you see the “Sexy Coprophagia Singles” ad, give it a few clicks. The sponsor will think it’s the latest hot dating “space” and maybe they’ll make up a whole new site dedicated to shit-eating singles. Then guys like this poor drunk perp will have somewhere to go with their fecal fetishes.
am I the only one who remembers the issue of Screw (Al Goldstein’s per-version of the National Enquirer) that feature a cover story on
yeah
The Shit-Eating Sluts of Caracas
??
Maybe he just like the taste!
Yes, eating your own feces is gross…but have any men on here chowed down on “brown chocolate treats” that a woman produced for them? They taste so good that I can’t describe it. A charbroiled flavor with a hint of sweetness…and the lemonade that comes for free with the dinner is the best beverage I’ve ever had. Although salty and warm, it tastes so good and actually makes me sort of lightheaded and “high”. I just can’t figure out why my girlfriend can only make these little sugary treats after she has eaten a huge meal; and she can only make the special lemonade after drinking alot of soda pop or wine or beer. I guess that being full of food and liquid gives her the motherly instinct to make a meal for me. She doesn’t let me watch her make the stuff; she says it’s a secret. I SAY IT’S CULINARY EXPERTISE. She is so good at making food and beverages for me. Just yesterday she mixed up a new bean dip for me…it was dark brown and smelled like sewage…and there were little pieces of corn in it. It tasted so good on crackers that I asked her to make a huge bowl of it for me. She said “Sure, honey.” Then she asked me if I could take her to the all-you-can-eat buffet that night, and tomorrow for lunch. She said then she could make my huge bowl of bean-and-whatever dip. Isn’t she great? I just love my girlfriend. She is the first woman that I have met that has not shit on me.
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