“A British woman tore off her ex-lover’s testicle when he rejected her advances at the end of a drunken house party. Amanda Monti, 24, of Birkenhead in Merseyside, flew into a rage and yanked off Geoffrey Jones’ left testicle… As the night wound down, Monti told Jones she wanted to discuss their relationship and offered him sex. When he refused, she grabbed his face and a struggle ensued. Monti was knocked to the floor, from where she pulled down Jones’s shorts. In a statement, he said: ‘I was left standing in my underpants. She was still lying on the floor. Suddenly she grabbed my genitals and pulled hard. That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain.’ Referring to his friend Danny McDonagh, who was sleeping at the house after the party, he said: ‘I believe Danny walked out shortly afterwards. He came into the kitchen and said to me, ‘That’s yours’, and I saw that he was holding one of my testicles in his hand.’ Monti initially tried to hide the testicle by putting it in her mouth, but released it. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.” —Sydney Morning Herald (US)

(Thanks to alanr for the link.)

Ouch! Who knew you could just rip off a nut? Although the testicles are obviously vulnerable, it doesn’t sound like such an easy thing to do. Skin is actually pretty tough to tear. To rip off a nut sounds as though it would require a momentary amount of superhuman force, like when someone passing by a car accident gets a surge of adrenalin and lifts the car in order to save someone pinned beneath it. Maybe Chick the Ripper had such a moment of Incredible-Hulk-like strength, or maybe she perforated the man’s scrotum with a fingernail and thus made it more liable to tear. That would be a more likely explanation.

But then again, is anything in this story really explicable? After all, this is the same woman who, when she saw what she did, attempted to hide the liberated ball in her mouth. Like that would be your first thought when you find a detached nut in your hand. “Oh shit! Where can I stash this?” And rather than throw it in the nearest trash compactor, you stick it in your mouth.

Or then again, the deadpan demeanor of the friend in the story also defies explanation. How did he end up with the testicle in question? Did he touch it? Pick it up with a spoon? Put it in a ziploc bag? And is that all he could think to say when handing it back to its rightful owner — “That’s yours.” Well, of course it’s yours! Is anyone else at this party missing a nut?

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