Viagra And Shopping Don’t Mix
“A Cuyahoga Heights High School teacher accused of exposing his genitals to a sales associate at a Fairlawn business is scheduled to appear in Akron Municipal Court next week… A 24-year-old sales associate of Three Day Blinds, 3750 W. Market St., told police that she was preparing an invoice for Marrero and his wife just before closing Jan. 21. She told police that Marrero was standing behind and to the side of his wife, who was seated. When the sales associate looked up, she saw that Marrero’s zipper was down, his penis was exposed and he was ‘manipulating it with his right hand.’ The associate said she asked Marrero, ‘What is that?’ and he backed away. She said his wife then thanked her and the couple left the store. Marrero told Fairlawn Detective Dave Zampelli that he may have been wearing pants with a ‘zipper malfunction.’ Zampelli reported that Marrero said he had taken Viagra 45 minutes before entering the store, and may have become inadvertently exposed.” —Ohio.com (US)
(Thanks to alanr for the link.)
If this guy had been shopping by himself, you would not be inclined to believe that a lethal combination of Viagra and “zipper malfunction” caused him to expose himself to the young sales associate. However, the mere presence of his wife lends credibility to his story. It’s possible that she’s some sort of voyeur who enjoys the sight of her husband exposing himself to attractive young sales clerks — but probably not. Such wives are far and few between. The typical wife, when catching her husband jerking off in front of a sales clerk, surely pounds on the guy with an umbrella, tire iron, or any other cudgel-like object near to hand.
More than likely, then, it really was some strange Viagra-enhanced accident. But even if it was a mishap and not a sex act, you still can’t help but think to yourself: “Hey, this guy is a school teacher. Is he prone to having such, uh, accidents at school? Does he ever wear those same zipper-challenged pants to work? What if he had a headache one day and mistakenly took a Viagra instead of a Tylenol? Would this cause him to become ‘inadvertently exposed’ before his students?”
Probably it was an accident — but it makes you wonder if, rather than serve jail time, the perp should have to suffer certain safeguards to ensure that such mishaps don’t occur when he’s teaching. For example, his Viagra prescription could be revoked. Or he could be forced to take all his pants to a welder so that the zippers can be closed up.
It seems strange to me that the clerk said he was “manipulating it with his right hand”. What does that mean? Was he trying to put it away, or playing with it?
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