“A pair of Long Island hot dog vendors allegedly did their job with a little too much relish, selling sex along with hot sausage inside their tan camper. Police said the women provided personal services along with knishes, Fritos and Cheez Doodles from a wiener wagon parked alongside Sunrise Highway at Rockwood Ave. in Baldwin. ‘We’ve never seen hot dogs mixed with prostitution before,’ said Deputy Inspector Rick Capece, commanding officer of Nassau County’s narcotics/vice squads. ‘It’s out there, the most unusual thing I’ve seen…’ Cops said Scalia offered to expose herself to the officer or perform a sex act inside the camper, a rundown vehicle strewn with empty chip bags and ketchup bottles and containing a dingy mauve recliner. Scalia also told the officer Skorgy would perform a sex act in his car, if he wanted privacy, cops said. Police received a tip last week that the women were offering extras at the stand, adorned with giant signs reading ‘Hot Dogs’ and ‘We Are Open.’” —NY Daily News (US)

Boy, did this story ever generate a bunch of bad-pun headlines. “Hookers Relish Wieners” was a personal favorite, but “Wiener Wagon Hotbed of Sin” was pretty good too. One cop even said to reporters: “There are so many jokes, so little time.”

Indeed. That being said, the story doesn’t really seem so “out there,” as the cop opined. Just recently there was the fruit store brothel. Now there’s the hot dog whorehouse on wheels. The moral of the story seems to be that, wherever females sell goods or services to males, there is always a possibility of prostitution. After all, haven’t you ever found yourself in some dead-end, run-of-the-mill convenient store? There’s a clerk, an attractive girl, and you know she’s making minimum wage. How does she justify, you ask yourself, this awful boring job — handling cash, stocking shelves, sweeping the floor — when she could earn twenty times the money just by giving a handjob?

Apparently the hot dog hookers must have asked themselves the same question, and the answer was that they couldn’t — they couldn’t justify the long hours and low wages when shorter hours and higher wages were so convenient to hand, so to speak.

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