Comments on: Why My Boobies Are a Threat to National Security http://pervscan.com/2004/11/09/why-my-boobies-are-a-threat-to-national-security/ An Index to the Sordid and Depraved Thu, 12 Jan 2012 01:21:22 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: hludens http://pervscan.com/2004/11/09/why-my-boobies-are-a-threat-to-national-security/comment-page-1/#comment-1152 hludens Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 +0000 http://www.pervscan.com/blog/?p=470#comment-1152 I thought she did this years ago. Anyhow, It's a Red State crisis-- (What next? An Assault on Big Hair?) Dolly Parton's Planned Breast Reduction Surgery Prompts Red State Crisis by Jake Novak Country icon Dolly Parton's plans for a breast reduction surgery plunged the nation's Red states into a crisis today as heartbroken Southern Americans struggled with the painful news. ...... "We were worried something like this might happen if John Kerry were elected, but now its happened anyway," said an angry Mable Robinson of Salem, Alabama, "you can bet I'll be expecting something from President Bush to stop this." Bush administration officials huddled in the executive mansion late into the night hoping to craft some sort of response while the Pentagon put a squadron of F-16's on alert. ...... Sources say political director Karl Rove is working with Attorney General John Ashcroft on a Constitutional Amendment barring Parton from having the surgery, but there are some complications. "We're having trouble justifying changing our most precious legal document just to protect one chick's rack," said an DOJ official who asked to remain anonymous, "however, we are having more success with another strategy that would have Ms. Parton declared an enemy combatant and sent to Guantanamo. That could stall the surgery for at least 3 years," he added. Parton has remained quiet about the growing crisis, but she is receiving some support in the remaining Blue state strongholds. "We would like to extend our warmest invitation to Ms. Parton to come and have her surgery here," said San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome earlier today. "we can even medevac her straight from Dollywood," he added. .... Senator John McCain expressed similar outrage. "All those years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, one of the only things that kept me going was day dreams about Dolly's gazongas, God I'll miss them." If the Bush Administration is unable to stop the breast reduction insurgency in time, political experts believe the President's options will be limited if he wants to keep Red state support. "He'll probably have to make NASCAR event tickets tax deductible or at least find a new way to harass homosexuals," said University of Virginia political scientist Larry Sabato, "but losing Dolly's boobs will really be a noticeable mistake that could hamstring his second term before it even starts." <a href="http://www.thefakenews.com/dollyparton110504.html">http://www.thefakenews.com/dollyparton110504.html</a> I thought she did this years ago. Anyhow, It’s a Red State crisis– (What next? An Assault on Big Hair?)

Dolly Parton’s Planned Breast Reduction Surgery Prompts Red State Crisis
by Jake Novak

Country icon Dolly Parton’s plans for a breast reduction surgery plunged the nation’s Red states into a crisis today as heartbroken Southern Americans struggled with the painful news.
……
“We were worried something like this might happen if John Kerry were elected, but now its happened anyway,” said an angry Mable Robinson of Salem, Alabama, “you can bet I’ll be expecting something from President Bush to stop this.”

Bush administration officials huddled in the executive mansion late into the night hoping to craft some sort of response while the Pentagon put a squadron of F-16’s on alert.
……
Sources say political director Karl Rove is working with Attorney General John Ashcroft on a Constitutional Amendment barring Parton from having the surgery, but there are some complications.

“We’re having trouble justifying changing our most precious legal document just to protect one chick’s rack,” said an DOJ official who asked to remain anonymous, “however, we are having more success with another strategy that would have Ms. Parton declared an enemy combatant and sent to Guantanamo. That could stall the surgery for at least 3 years,” he added.

Parton has remained quiet about the growing crisis, but she is receiving some support in the remaining Blue state strongholds.

“We would like to extend our warmest invitation to Ms. Parton to come and have her surgery here,” said San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome earlier today. “we can even medevac her straight from Dollywood,” he added.
….
Senator John McCain expressed similar outrage.

“All those years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, one of the only things that kept me going was day dreams about Dolly’s gazongas, God I’ll miss them.”

If the Bush Administration is unable to stop the breast reduction insurgency in time, political experts believe the President’s options will be limited if he wants to keep Red state support.

“He’ll probably have to make NASCAR event tickets tax deductible or at least find a new way to harass homosexuals,” said University of Virginia political scientist Larry Sabato, “but losing Dolly’s boobs will really be a noticeable mistake that could hamstring his second term before it even starts.”
http://www.thefakenews.com/dollyparton110504.html

]]> By: anon http://pervscan.com/2004/11/09/why-my-boobies-are-a-threat-to-national-security/comment-page-1/#comment-1153 anon Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 +0000 http://www.pervscan.com/blog/?p=470#comment-1153 As an American I believe it is my duty, in fact my, RIGHT to have male Feds caress my breasts if it means protecting national security. As an American I believe it is my duty, in fact my, RIGHT to have male Feds caress my breasts if it means protecting national security.

]]>