“Pizza Hut cook Simon Dimmock hid his pubic hairs in five takeaways going to a police station. Four PCs tucked into the grub before realising, a court heard. One had eaten three slices. Dimmock, 23, confessed he was ‘p****d off’ to get the big order near the end of his shift at 10pm. He has been sacked. The cook, who worked at Pizza Hut two years, ’showed no remorse whatsoever’ his local magistrates in Swansea heard. He admitted contaminating food. The JPs called it a ‘despicable act’. He was given 140 hours community service and must pay each cop £50.” —The Sun (UK)

(Thanks to alanr for the link.)

Sometimes it’s amazing that people continue to eat in restaurants. You just know that this kind of thing happens all too often. Somebody has a bad day at work — gets yelled at by the boss, burns his hand on the oven, realizes that a third of his paycheck goes to taxes. And then all of a sudden he finds himself possessed by the thought that he’ll feel better by making somebody else suffer. He spits into your grilled cheese sandwich or lays curly black hairs from his crotch across the surface of your pizza. Or he defiles the “special sauce” on your Big Mac in some truly hideous, unspeakable way.

When you think about it, it’s odd that hurting an innocent stranger should make a person feel better about their own misfortunes. William Burroughs always used to marvel at how baboons, when threatened by their peers, would turn and attack smaller baboons. Maybe there is something of the same principle in malicious tricks like this pube-in-the-pizza business. Maybe inflicting harm on a stranger is some sort of subconscious way of trying to ward off your own troubles.

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