“The Alexander-Neilsons were a family under siege. Each weekend, as sure as eggs, something would go missing off their clothesline. Not just anything mind, but their best woollens. And no pastels. Whoever was nabbing this stuff was no pussy. The saga… began eight weeks ago with the disappearance of mum Rosemary’s black merino V-neck. Then it was the navy Fairisle — size XXXL, a gift to hubby Neville, followed by daughter Georgia’s Wellington Girls jersey. The list went on — socks, trousers, more socks. The only member of the family not to have anything nicked was Casey the cat. The Alexander-Neilsons began counting the number of items they hung out to dry. Then counted them again when they brought the washing in. ‘We were becoming really paranoid,’ said Rosemary. ‘We started hanging out stuff we didn’t care about just to try and catch whoever it was. But that was never taken, it was just the good quality stuff…’ Neville was getting worked up. ‘You just start wondering what sort of person would be doing this. You want to protect your family.’ He padlocked the front gate. The police were called. ‘They said whoever it was was possibly unhinged…’ Neville disguised a video camera in an old soap powder packet and sat in wait. And waited. Twelve hours of long-play later — ‘you can only watch so much washing dry’ — he nailed it. A sinister shadow fell across the row of socks. A criminal paw plucked at a sleeve. The burglar was a cat. Once the Alexander-Neilsons had stopped laughing, and heaved huge sighs of relief that they weren’t dealing with an oddball, the cat’s owners were tracked down and the clothes re-possessed.” —Stuff.co.nz (New Zealand)

It’s probably not necessary to state the obvious, which is that this is a pretty funny story helped out by some witty writing. In a way it comes as a relief to read something as silly as this, since scanning the news for episodes of perversion can be rather depressing. After all, what kinds of news items feature perversion? They’re usually stories about people who get arrested hurting other people or sometimes hurting themselves. It can become a dreary parade of pain, and after a while you get to feeling like Miss Lonelyhearts in Nathanael West’s brilliant novel. Miss Lonelyhearts was a guy who took over a newspaper’s sad-and-lonely column as a lark, but was quickly overwhelmed by the genuine pain that caused people to write to him. And sometimes being a pervscanner is like that: you’d have to be a completely insensitive idiot not to realize that the perverse behavior that titillates your prurience is actually pain, suffering, and a ruined life for other people.

So enjoy this silly story about a cat and consider it a rare example of a story of perversion — a wool fetish! — that has a happy ending. :-)

VideoBox

It's like the iTunes Music Store for Porn. Download unlimited high-quality video for only $9.95/month.