“Red wine is the latest craze in the beauty salons of Buenos Aires where it’s said to tighten the stomach and firm the breasts. Creams made with red wine or even a glass of pure wine are applied directly to the person’s skin. Wine therapy expert Diego Barberan told Las Ultimas Noticias: ‘After cleansing, the skin receives a special wine mask that is rich in vitamin E. It brings firmness and nutrition to the skin, making it healthy and elastic.’ Beauty clinics all over Buenos Aires are reporting a huge increase in women asking for wine therapy. Wine therapy fanatic Marcy Andres said: ‘It is fantastic. It does what it promises. I can say with no fear that I am addicted!’” —Ananova (UK)

(Thanks to alanr for the link.)

It has become a commonplace that red wine can be good for the heart, so perhaps it should come as no surprise that it can be good for the tit too. It’s hard to say exactly what chemical reaction would cause fermented grapes to improve the texture of a breast — but since it apparently works with “a glass of pure wine… applied directly” to the surface in question, who cares why it works or even if it really does work? Massaging red wine into the breast of your lover can’t help but be enjoyable, unless on the off chance she’s allergic to grapes. So give it a try. At best, she’ll have better breasts. At worst, you’ll both have good fun.

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