“A Jackson man dropped his poop-eating defense today and pleaded guilty to a 2002 rape and home invasion in Jackson. Jonathan Lee Hudson, 21, appeared calm today when he pleaded guilty to first-degree criminal sexual conduct and first-degree home invasion… It was a marked contrast to his last appearance before Nelson in April. Hudson messed his pants in a swivel chair and began to eat his own feces before officers subdued him with mace and muscle. Jail officials said Hudson had been eating feces and cutting his wrists prior to the court visit. A friend foiled his scheme when she testified Hudson told her he was hoodwinking jail officials into thinking he was psychotic. The episode got him a second trip to the Center for Forensic Psychiatry in Ypsilanti, where the staff determined, again, he was a sane man pretending to be off kilter.” — The Jackson Citizen Patriot (US)

(Thanks to alanr for the link.)

Here’s an interesting thought experiment: Which would you prefer — to sit in jail for a few years? Or to eat your own feces in full public view? The logical choice is probably to eat your feces, since it’s only a few minutes of repulsion compared to a few years of incarceration. And yet the prospect of munching on a turd is so repellent to most people that it wouldn’t be surprising if some people would prefer jail. Maybe we should do a poll.

Anyway, coprophagy is a pretty good way to convince a jury that you’re not mentally fit — provided you can keep from bragging about it to your treacherous friends. You can imagine the guy at the prison pay phone: “Hey Betty. Yeah, you wouldn’t believe it. They think I’m nuts. I eat my own poop. Ain’t I a genius?” Well, it might be genius to shore up your insanity defense with a shit-eating grin, but it’s just plain stupid to blab about it over the phone. Idiot.

To look at it another way, though, this court ruling might well have an unintended side effect. Does it not set a legal precedent suggesting that it’s not pathological to eat your own shit? You can imagine a few years in the future, when coprophiles and coprophages have advocacy groups (like gays do now), they’ll look back at this as a landmark decision that set the stage for public acceptance of private filth. You can hear the battlecry now: “We’re here. We eat from the rear. Get used to it.”

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