Here Comes the Judge
“While seated on the bench, an Oklahoma judge used a male enhancement pump, shaved and oiled his nether region, and pleasured himself, state officials charged yesterday in a petition to remove the jurist. According to the below complaint filed by the Oklahoma Attorney General, Donald D. Thompson, 57, was caught in the act by a clerk, trial witnesses, and his longtime court reporter (these unsettling first-hand accounts will make you wonder what’s going on under other black robes). Visitors to Thompson’s Creek County courtroom reported hearing a ’swooshing’ sound coming from the bench, a noise the court reporter said ’sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up.’ Thompson, the complaint charges, even pumped himself up during an August 2003 murder trial. The AG’s petition quotes Thompson (pictured above) as admitting that the pump was ‘under the bench’ during the murder case (and at other times), but he denied using the item, which was supposedly a ‘gag gift from a friend.’” — TheSmokingGun.com (US)
(Thanks to shoofly and to alanr for the link.)
If you’ve ever been to a trial, you know that it is not the emotion-packed drama you see on tv. To the contrary, except for a few minutes here or there, it’s about the most tedious business you can imagine. You spend most of your time staring off into space, counting tiles on the ceiling or gazing at a lazy half-broken fan.
That’s what you do, of course, unless you happen to be Judge Jerk Off. Now you can’t blame this guy for being so overwhelmed with boredom that he indulged in sexual fantasy, and you can kind of understand how one day the sexual fantasies might have gotten the better of him… “Hm,” he probably said to himself, “I’ve got this big black robe on. Nobody will notice.” He relieved himself, squirt on his penny loafers, and thus opened the door to an onanistic abyss that saw him coiffing his pubes and experimenting with a “male enhancement pump” while simultaneously striving to exercise fair, impartial, objective judgement.
It’s just possible that sexual release was the necessary precondition for him to dispense even-handed justice. Think about it. If you’re horny and backed-up, you can’t think about much besides blowing your wad. But in the temporary sanity and serenity that follows orgasm, you’re much more likely to weigh things with an impartial eye. In that sense, maybe every judge — and every juror too — should be encouraged to pursue sexual release before pondering such life and death matters as innnocence and guilt.
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Hook-Ups
