“A Danish IT company decided that the best way to keep its employees happy was to sign up all its workers to internet porn sites. LL Media had a look at all internet use in the company and decided that what most of its employees wanted to see were boobies or thingees. Danish Broadcasting’s DR Nordjylland reports that the company’s director, Levi Nielsen, believes that access to porn is a natural fringe benefit for workers, like a free phone or a company car…. the company has spotted workers sneaking a peek at porn during work. Nielsen realised that while visiting such sites when you are supposed to be coding was a bad thing, it represented a need his employees had, which if repressed would result in cranky behaviour. So he decided to block the watching of porn sites during office hours and in return gave employees access to paid sites after the work was done. Nielsen believes that for a cost of $5 a head per week will make his staff more relaxed and more efficient on the ‘job.’” — The Inquirer (UK)

(Thanks to alanr for the link.)

The weird thing about this story is not that sex is being used as a professional perk. After all, you don’t need to live in Japan to know that prostitution is an essential part of business culture. CEOs continue to hire secretaries for their cleavage and business deals are sealed as often in strip joints as in corporate boardrooms. The dream of every businessman is to get rich quick, but the reality is to get rich slow — and to get quickies on the side.

What is strange about this story is not the fact that it combines sex and business but rather that it combines business with masturbation. What do these horny Danes do — sit around their offices after work and jerk off at their desks? It’s one thing to consummate a deal at a strip club, where the bulbous breasts of the titty talent encourage dreams of risk and reward, but to sit at your cubicle or your workstation and download porn? The plausible thing to assume is that workers take advantage of the high-bandwidth connections that they probably have in their offices but not in their homes. This enables them to download more porn in less time, then they burn it to CD and take it home to enjoy. But still, there is something slightly icky about it. You can have an entirely positive, open, healthful, even clinical attitude toward masturbation — but this doesn’t make you relish the thought of your co-workers gumming up their keyboards with sweat, saliva, and possibly semen.

The problem, perhaps, is that while it may seem like an opportunity for you as an individual to download porn, on the other hand it is repellent to imagine your co-workers taking advantage of the same opportunity. Odds are that you find the bulk of your co-workers sexually unappealing. You wouldn’t want to find yourself in a group-grope with them — and yet the moment you encourage them all to wank at their workstations, it’s like creating a virtual circle jerk. All those computers are networked to your computer, and sometimes you may even need to use a co-worker’s machine. And do you really want to touch a mouse that may, in a moment of masturbatory madness, have been used as a sex toy, perhaps even a butt plug?

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