The Family Bush
[Reader Question:] “Are vaginas inherited? In other words, does my vagina look like my mother and sister’s vaginas?” [Columnist Answer:] “It appears that genital shape and size are inherited from both parents. I know your dad probably doesn’t have a vagina but no doubt his mom did, so you may not have the exact same one as your mom, but qualities from both sides. But as usual, anything to do with genetics is loaded with possibility, and in this case, even more so, given our very conservative interpretation of gender. When you look at the list of possibilities both for the internal and external genitals (the varying degrees of intersexuality, Klinefelter syndrome, Turner syndrome, true hermaphroditism, Androgen Insensitivity syndrome, to name just a few), you begin to realize that gender exists not as a dichotomy but on a continuum.” — Toronto Eye Weekly (Canada)
(Skim down to btm for link.)
If you’ve happened to see a lot of vaginas in your life, or if you’ve spent enough time scrutinizing pornography, or if you’ve used up your Crayolas on the Cunt Coloring Book, then you know that vaginas come in an astonishing variety of shapes, sizes, and — for lack of a better word — configurations. Vaginas can be as individual as fingerprints, and a less sexually repressed culture might even think to use them for biometric identification techniques. (Imagine having to sit naked on a scanner everytime you wanted to enter a locked room, for example!) In fact, vaginas can be so distinct that a porn site is even running a “Label the Labia” contest in which the object is to match up genitalia with the porn stars to whom they belong. (Thanks to alanr for that link.)
Given this cornucopia of cunts, this plethora of pussies, it almost comes as something of a surprise to think that your genital probably bears a family resemblance to your mom’s or your grandma’s — or to both. It’s one thing to inherit a prominent nose or a jutting chin, but to imagine a real similarity between your vagina and your mom’s is kind of perplexing. Inevitably it leads to thoughts of incest which you can practically map out in good syllogistic form: My cunt is the same as my mom’s; Dad fucks mom; Ergo Dad fucks me too… Well, no, obviously Dad doesn’t fuck you, but you do have to wonder: if Dad saw a close-up of your crotch and your mom’s, would he recognize which was which?
all this talk of inherited pussies ignores the effect of hormones in the food and water that alter our sexual development (and our organs as well) — morphrodite fish, etc.
the true preevert pays equal attention to the anus, as in this Nicholson Baker homage:
“Hers was a fine brown dot, like a tiny asteroid -impact crater, which repaid close study. Women’s anes never used to interest me in my teens and early twenties — I think they are one of the true acquired tastes. They are discrete, singilar, clearly bounded, focused, in contrast to the bounteous plied gyno-confusion of the vadge.”
(Of course he published The Fermata in 1994, before gross pix of gaping, pulsating, assholes, fisted into submission….)
I propose a pussy party, where the whole family gets together and gets naked and the men attempts to tell their female relatives apart purely by eating and fucking their pussies. For example, little Jimmy can try to determine if the pussy he just “sampled” belongs to his mother or his sister. Wholesome, family fun that will entertain for hours!
P.S. I’m serious ^^
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