“A kinky gynaecologist had sex with a woman patient while hooked up to an ultrasound machine ó so he could watch his performance internally, a tribunal heard yesterday. Dr Euan Laird also allegedly made love to the pretty blonde in hospital grounds and an operating theatre. The pair began a six-year affair after he treated her for complications following a caesarean, it was claimed. The mum of two, who divorced her husband during the alleged fling, told the hearing: ‘I thought he was wonderful. He was very charming and very confident…’ But as the affair progressed his sex demands became increasingly extreme, it was alleged. During one session in a hospital room Dr Laird is said to have used the ultrasound scanning machine to watch his own performance… He allegedly also persuaded her to wear a catheter during sex — saying it would give better orgasms, it was said.” — The Sun (UK)

(Thanks to alanr for the link.)

So, uh, what’s the issue? Apparently the “kinky gynaecologist” is on trial for professional misconduct, which seems a little silly since both he and his mistress were sound-minded adults. Furthermore, his actions were not particularly outrageous. It’s not as if he tried to fuck her in the hole from the caesarean section he gave her. It’s not as if he’s the first guy who ever experimented with catheters during the sexual act. And he’s probably not the only doctor to utilize an ultrasound to capture his own performance — which is probably a pretty cool thing to do, translate your humping and pumping into a neat little sine wave traced across a scroll of graph paper. It’s a strange kind of biofeedback — maybe it even makes you into a better lover, since it gives you an objective representation of something you normally only have a subjective experience of.

The prohibitive costs of ultrasounds and MRIs and PET scanners and x-rays put them out of reach of the common man, and yet it would be hard to doubt that — as this story suggests — “kinky” doctors and nurses are already making use of their access to high-tech machines to create an entirely new type of pornography, one made not with cameras but with medical imaging equipment.

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