Cucumber Man Exposes Himself
“The police allegedly felt that they had to take immediate action when someone called in and reported that ‘a fat man in womenís clothes, with a cucumber in his mouth’ exposed himself… The caller said that he could not give any details of what the man was doing because he had children in the car. A patrol car from Moss was dispatched to the location, but when they arrived the man had vanished. The man allegedly carried on close to the road. The question why the man had a cucumber in his month remains unanswered. However, the police characterize the incident as so crazy that they assume it to be some kind of bet.” — Nettavisen (Norway)
(Thanks to alanr for the link.)
It is always hard to know what to make of these cases where the details are so sketchy. Which was the practical joke — the man exposing himself? Or the phone call reporting the oddball incident? Were there any other witnesses? How did the tipster get close enough to know that the flasher was chewing on a cucumber and not something else? Presumably if you’re on the highway speeding by a flasher, it would be difficult to say whether he was sucking on a cucumber, a banana, a dildo, or whatnot.
For that matter, why does the incident sound that crazy? People use fruits and vegetables as dildos all the time. Maybe the guy was jerking off and imagining that he was blowing somebody at the same time. Maybe he had some kind of oral fixation that he was able to satisfy with a cucumber. Maybe he was just hungry and horny at the same time. Maybe it was something else altogether.
On the subway the other day PervScan saw a full-grown black man sucking on a little plastic baby pacifier. Granted, a few years back it was a fad for homeboys to have pacifiers — but this wasn’t even one of those silver ones on a chain. It was a regular old pacifier, and the guy looked absolutely ridiculous sucking on it. You almost couldn’t help but wonder if that was the point: not to satisfy an oral fixation but to counteract the impression people have that young black men are intimidating or dangerous.
And maybe it’s the same with the cucumber man: maybe the fat wanker thought that, by adding a touch of humor or absurdity to his performance, he could counteract the impression people have that exhibitionists are creepy and disgusting.
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