“Police say 35 year-old Andre Gainey was driving near the Schenectady Police Station Tuesday night. A detective in an unmarked car noticed Gainey watching the pornographic movie ‘Chocolate Foam’ on a dvd screen inside his green Mercedes. Police pulled the Clifton Park man over less than a block away. ‘[The movie] was played in a way where it was easily seen by anybody that was behind the vehicle, like the detective was,’ said police spokesman Lt. Pete Frisoni. ‘It could’ve been a family that was parked behind him. Someone walking by would have easily seen this because the windows weren’t tinted at all.’ Gainey was arrested under state penal law, section 245.11. It prohibits public displays of offensive material when visible by others. That includes from inside a car.” — MSNBC (US)

Is it just pure stupidity to put a movie screen anywhere within sight of the driver of a car? Or to the contrary, is it not perhaps a sign that contemporary man has evolved to a higher plane? Our ancestors were simple brutes, incapable of doing more than raking leaves and chewing gum simultaneously. But contemporary man — behold, what a wonder. Man today can shift, jerk off, call home, drink coffee, and drive all at the same time!

Why shouldn’t cars be made to accomodate this fantastic multitasking creature of today? They already come with the usual driver equipment — stick shift, steering wheel — so why not add on the rest? DVD player, car phone, espresso machine. Hell, why not make stickshifts than can double as dildos? Transform the steering column into a pocket pussy or Fleshlight-type device for the male driver? Perhaps then you could even invent a environmentally friendly car that burns semen instead of gasoline.

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