“A Russian man had to be rescued after his penis stuck to a frozen bus shelter while he was urinating. The young man was on his way home from a bar in the southern city of Stavropol, in temperatures of -30C. He stopped to urinate, leaning against the bus shelter for support, but swayed at a crucial moment and his penis stuck to the frozen metal… A large crowd gathered, shouting advice. Finally passerby Valery Levchenko was able to free the man using a kettle of warm water borrowed from a chemist. The man reportedly refused further medical help before running off.” — Orange.co.uk (UK)

Obviously this guy must have been extremely drunk, since you can easily go a lifetime — hell, several lifetimes — without being so wobbly on your feet that you accidentally rub your penis across a frozen metal bus shelter. Your current reporter doubts that, with decades of experience at peeing both indoors and out, he’s ever smacked his penis against anything in the surrounding environment. A penis is just the kind of thing you tend to be careful with. You don’t knock it around like a bumper car.

Anyway, given the obvious pain and humilation involved in freezing your penis to a bus shelter, it can’t be long before some inventive sex perv thinks to make this into an S&M parlor trick. Rather than tie up a guy who wants to be tortured and degraded, you freeze his penis to some ice cold metal. Then you torment him, abuse him, and he literally attains “release” when the metal thaws. Or maybe in order to attain his release, you could oblige him to try to orgasm with his penis still frozen in place — the thought being that, if you won’t provide him warm water, he’ll have to rub his own warm ejaculate on himself in order to free his penis from its icy bondage.

(Important note: this is purely hypothetical raving. Freezing any part of your body could result in serious injury. Please don’t try this at home.)

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