“It’s not every day a girl gets pleasure out of a fake orgasm. Some consider fake orgasms a nasty trick, but for second-year Ryerson student Kate Klein they’re a talent. Klein won the Fake Orgasm Contest, at the Everything to do with Sex Show in the SkyDome last week… Klein used her sense of humour to get the goods. After using a chair as a prop and contorting her body into a variety of positions, Klein had the audience going, in more ways than one… The winner was chosen based on the audience’s applause. It was a close call, but Klein ended up taking home the title of Fake Orgasm Queen. ‘The Asian Sensation’ had me worried,’ Klein said of one of her opponents. ‘She went all out. I thought she was actually having an orgasm…’ Klein said she had a great time. ‘I’m glad I came,’ she said.” — Eyeopener Online (US)

This is always a pretty fun premise for a contest. Of course, it’s fun because here you’re in on the joke. You know she’s faking. It’s like watching someone yodel or do pig calls or impersonate Richard Nixon. It’s funny seeing someone make that sudden shift from normality — standing in a bar wearing street clothes — to an alternate dimension, the Swiss mountains, a pig sty, the White House, or, in this case, the bedroom.

But what would be even funnier would be to have a Fake Orgasm King contest. How do guys fake orgasm? Certainly if a guy claims to orgasm in a vagina or anus, you can’t be exactly sure that he didn’t. When no semen comes dripping out in the shower or toilet, he can always claim that he doesn’t ejaculate much. But if you remove that zone of uncertainty, if you put a man on stage and oblige him to orgasm, how would he fare? How would he come off? Would you believe him if he squirted mayonaisse from a squeeze bottle in his pants? Or if he claimed that, for him, orgasm was all mental?

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