Mum’s Sex Swap Agony
“Is your daughter a tomboy? That was all Gabrielle thought was up with her daughter. Now the distressed mum is deciding whether to allow her 15-year-old daughter to have sex-swap surgery. Today she tells her heart-wrenching story exclusively through the Herald Sun… To me, she was always just a tomboyish little girl. In retrospect, I can see there was a hidden agenda as far as she was concerned. Through primary school, I got notes written by her, saying ‘Dear Mum, I want a penis,’ ‘Dear Mum, I want a sex change,’ ‘Dear Mum, please I’ll do anything, I’ll save up all my pocket money…’ [When she was about 13] I found a psychologist and he determined this child was a true trans-gender… Back in Australia, we found the Monash gender clinic. They said that with my consent they would begin treatment. It would involve hormone therapy and subsequent surgery. It usually begins with the removal of the breasts. Then after that, if the patient wishes to, they can have a penis constructed. My child got the impression he would get a fully normal-looking functioning penis and testicles, and that is nowhere near the truth. They take chunks of skin from a forearm. They fashion a penis out of that. You don’t get testicles. It can’t get an erection on its own. They have to put an implant in… I have moments when I feel justified in giving my consent and then a couple of days later I’ll think what was I thinking?” — Melbourne Herald Sun (UK)
In a different era, this “boy” — as s/he prefers to be called — would have undergone intensive psychotherapy, leading up shock treatments or possibly lobotomy. Today, rather than cut up his brain we can cut off his breasts, maybe attach a kind of floppy dildo to his crotch — but is it the right thing to do?
Any moral question is complicated, but this one seems particularly so. Of course, it may only seem so complicated because it strikes to the very heart of so many of today’s gender issues, and because it is absolutely unprecedented for a parent to decide on whether a minor can undergo sex-altering surgery. Still, as you think about it, several issues come to the fore.
First, the story treats at great length all the pain the poor “boy” has undergone as a result of his maladjustment to his given gender. And naturally you’d think that the proper course of action would be to alleviate his pain — and yet aren’t teenagers angst-ridden creatures anyway? Why sex-altering surgery and not Prozac? What teenager doesn’t feel an absolutely overwhelming immediate need for some weird life change that he wouldn’t end up regretting later? Youth is impulsiveness, and how can you be sure, in spite of the girl’s lifelong insistence that he’s a boy, that you’re not allowing him to do something to himself that he’ll bitterly regret later?
Second, the age of consent in most places is sixteen. If a child can’t legally engage in sexual activity before the age of sixteen, how can the child be competent enough to determine something so irreversible as his gender?
Third, once you allow a parent to give a minor a sex-change operation, what’s to stop parents in the future from grooming children for such a procedure? It may sound far-fetched, but parents are often disappointed by the gender of their children. There are fathers who want a son but have nothing but daughters, there are mothers who clothe their sons in pink dresses, and so on. Take such a frustrated parent, give him a touch of psychopathology — and who doesn’t have at least a touch? — and it’s not hard to imagine the parent grooming the child for a sex-change operation.
Taken together, these would suggest that a parent should not be able to grant a minor child a sex-change operation. The child should have to wait until he can make the decision for himself… But then again, if you force him to wait, won’t he only become one of those unfortunate self-castration cases?
Perhaps.
Why call it “Sex swap?” its called transition and this just shows the authors ignorance of gender issues. I am an FTM and while I think the child should wait until he is 18, I think that there is no need for the author to portray FTM transsexual people as they have done. It sounds so barbaric the way its been written- and thats likely because the author thinks we are all sick perverts who did this because we dont know what we are doing.
Anyone who is interested in us as people and not just objects- go to http://www.ftmaustralia.org
Disgusted FTM
I’m torn on the issue of transgendering. I’ve always believed that it’s a mental disorder, just like homosexuality… but transgendered people don’t spread propaganda, they don’t scream murder at people who disagree with them, they have the ability to condemn the actions of another transgender person.
In other words, they don’t act much like homosexuals, and the actions of homosexuals is why I dislike them. So do I have a leg to stand on with disliking “changelings”?
I’d like to ask “David” whether he/she/it saw Australian Story a few months ago. There was a guy who had a bad childhood, got a sex change when he was a teenager, lived as a girl for years and then finally got the procedure reversed. He regretted what he had done all those years ago.
whats wrong with this picture, you just dont do that kind of extrem procedure on a minor if this child is positive about gender reasighnment then whats the harm in waiting an extra 3 years untill they are 18. if they want this then let them show thier readiness and maturity by practicing patience i have no objection to transition one of my close friends has goen thru this it would be better to start with hormons for 3 years then do the surgery. i had breast reduction doen when i was 18 even though i wanted it at 15i do understand how the boy feels.
My friend is a female-to-male transgender. He explained alot of this to me.
The way that men and women do directions is different. Females navigate by landmarks followed by distances to other landmarks (”Go to the Shell station by the Taco Bell then go four blocks until you reach the stoplight…”). Males navigate by directions, followed by distances, followed by left-or-right turns. (”Go west on I-96, take the offramp south, it’ll be to your right…”) My friend’s directions are distinctly man-style.
The way that males and females solve problems is radically different. For example, sent to shop, men go out and want to come back without compare prices to save money or go on to get a second thing. Women meander out but don’t pick up what they want, then make several stops on a twisty path back. My friend always hated shopping; when it was necessary to do it, he shopped like a man. The way women shop gives them pleasure in a way that my friend and other males just don’t experience.
Females tend to be less capable of pinpointing the source of a sound, partly because their ears are at the same level. The ears of males are at slightly different levels. When there was a cellphone ringing softly, having slipped into a couch, my friend knew exactly where it came from, when all the girls were confused.
The way that males and females think and communicate is radically different. My friend can remember being unable to identify and communicate with girls. He didn’t want to be a part of incessant phonecalls typical of young female teens.
He recalls being frustrated that the “handshaking” of smalltalk just wouldn’t come to him, not even with charm-school coaching and practice. Males also tend to be less capable of reading facial expressions. My friend admits not reading how people are feeling very well on the basis of their expression.
Despite feeling very masculine, my friend prefers to be around girls. He’s always found, and continues to find, females more interesting than males. He enjoys female company but doesn’t enjoy conversing that much.
His preferred activities reflect interests that are “male” in ways that seem to go beyond mere “tradition” and “gender role”. He does things that, genetically, are more enjoyable to men. He does number puzzles that are done almost exclusively by males. He plays highly competitive games such as first-person shooter games like Halo. He views cooperative boardgames where alliances can be made as highly unpleasant and usually cheating individuals of their rightful victory.
When a psychologist who specializes in gender identity says, “Yes, this person should have transgender procedures,” they are not basing it on some nebulous culture-based idea that some people are more “feminine” and “masculine”. There are strong and very valid physiological differences that are present even before any transgendering hormones are administered. These differences are already present and pronounced in kindergarten aged children.
By 13, I think a future-sex-reassignment kid knows something is terribly wrong with their sex. It not merely “Boys get to play baseball; I like baseball; if only I had a penis, they would let play baseball too. By 13, a little person has had 8 years to observe and know that they just aren’t what their genes have expressed under their shorts.
As for what a female-to-male transsexual can look like, and what kind of future a girl-to-boy transgendered person can expect, I consider Buck Angel an amazing example.
Yes, a working penis isn’t a possibility in this day yet– but being male has SO little to do with having a penis. Buck Angel is proof. He has no penis, yet he makes his living as a transgendered porn star.
Relax, mom. Transgendered people are a novelty, not freaks. :)
when it comes to that I think that you should do anything you want to be happy. If it makes you happy..then do it! In my personal opinion, I would not get it done no matter how bad I wanted it b/c I’m a girl and I know that if I got a penis made for me it would function just the same as a strap on does because you wouldn’t be able to feel it anyways. I think that if you are gay then you should just be open about it. Trust me…it’s not just you that is gay..there are plenty of gay ppl. And you would be a lot happier if you were open about it. There are other alternatives that are probably a lot safer, just as effective, and a lot cheaper…but if it makes you happy to go get a sex change even though there would be disadvantages to it…it’s your choice. It is your body!
I don’t see the point in it b/c (if you are a girl wanting to be a boy) you won’t actually get what you want..which is a properly functioning penis and testicles..but you can do whatever you want. I know how girls like that feel b/c I am one of them. I wish I was born a boy but I would never get the whole procedure done. The only thing I would do is have my breasts removed. But when it comes to the penis..there are other alternatives to pleasing a girl…maybe…let’s say…a fake one? It does the same thing..sometimes better!
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