“A 51-year-old Syracuse, New York man was on trial in St. Lawrence County Court for Sodomy in the first degree and Sexual Abuse in the first degree. The 11 and 12 year old sisters were 5 and 6 at the time of the alleged sexual assault. Prosecution witnesses testified the Defendant’s penis had a tattoo. One child drew a picture of the tattoo for the jury in the courtroom. Defense counsel, Dennis Claus, repeatedly requested the Court allow Defendant’s penis be exposed to the jury… The Defendant stood up from the defense counsel table, walked to the middle of the jury, and dropped his pants. Two female jurors refused to look. The jury sent the Court a final note near 3:00 pm on the second day of jury deliberations, November 3, 2003. They were hopelessly deadlocked… This was one of those few cases where both the jury and the Defendant were well hung.” — Watertown Daily Times (US)

(Thanks to Denis C. for the story. The WDT’s site requires registration and is not very user-friendly.)

After you get your little laugh from the obvious one-liner here — well-hung defendant causes hung jury — you realize the weird thing about this story is that the judge repeatedly refused to allow the jury access to the defendant’s anatomy. And yet given that one of the victims claimed that her abuser’s penis had a tell-tale tattoo, the defendant’s penis was obviously a critical piece of evidence. Finally the judge agreed only when the jury insisted, for the third time, that they needed to see the defending dick.

Of course, the absence of a tattoo should not have exculpated the defendant entirely. He might have had surgery to remove it, of course. Or he might have been savvy enough to use one of those temporary tattoos kids play with. In fact, once you think about it, that’s a pretty brilliant strategy for the would-be child molestor. Put a temporary tattoo of Cookie Monster on your penis, do your dirty deed, and then when you find yourself in court, you can just whip out the old John Henry and say, “Look, it couldn’t have been me. No Cookie Monster!”

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