“Japanese women are getting fed up with men who want to put into practice the techniques they’ve picked up from watching dirty movies… Where men of yore had to make do with books to learn about moves that would please their partners, today’s guys are suckled on a massive adult movie industry where they can see for themselves what they think pleases women. Unfortunately, a lot of the knowledge they acquire isn’t always welcome… Requests for facials and oral sex can often be hard acts for women to swallow, yet they’re common wishes expressed by young men today. ‘My boyfriend told me he wanted to climax on my face like they do in the videos, so I let him have a go at it. But he got me right in the eye. It was really painful and red raw for about two days,’ a 19-year-old student says.” — Mainichi Daily News (Japan)

Any man who mistakes a pornographic film for a love manual is bound to disappoint his female companions, since porn is driven not so much by physical as by visual pleasure. Porn is meant not for participants but for viewers to enjoy. It is constrained within the bounds of the photogenic — constrained by cum shots above all, since no visual symbol says “sex” better than the cum shot. In fact, you almost have to wonder if porn would even exist if men didn’t squirt when they climaxed. If men had orgasms like women with no obvious visual evidence — orgasms without ejaculations — porn would be constrained to the depiction of purely repetitious physical motions. It would be as exciting to watch as a wheel turning in place — and no doubt this is also why “female ejaculation” is such a tantalizing concept. What a boon it would be for the porn industry if women would just give some sure visible sign of orgasm! If their eyeballs would pop out of their heads, or if eggs would shoot out from their ovaries like bullets from a machine gun…

But alas, women don’t do much more than quiver and moan, and thus porn is forced to rely on the cum shot. And yet the irony is that what looks good on film is not necessarily the thing that feels the best. You can come in a woman’s face or spew on her breasts — and the physical pleasure there combines with a voyeuristic pleasure, a mental titillation. You see your semen and feel a kind of satisfaction, as in a job well done. But does painting a woman with semen really feel better than ejaculating inside her? No, not from the purely physical vantage point. And probably not from her vantage point either.

This is not to say that porn-style sex can’t form an exciting part of sex, that it can’t add needed variety. But it is to say that anyone so conditioned by porn that he believes the facial is the sine qua non of pleasure probably fails to understand either porn or sex — for pornography is not the whole of sex, just the part that looks the best.

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